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UCSB  LIBRARY 


THE    "WEDDING 


PASTOR'S 


WEDDING    GIFT. 


BY 


WILLIAM    M.   THAYEK, 

AUTHOR   OF    "  HINTS   FOB  THE   HOUSEHOLD,"    "  SPOTS   IS   OCR   FEASTS   OF 
CHARITY,"   ETC. 


;  But  happy  they,  the  happiest  of  their  kind, 
Whom  gentle  stars  unite  ;  and  in  one  fate 
Their  hearts,  their  fortunes  and  their  beings  blend." 

THOMSON. 

"  I  love  thee,  and  I  feel 
That  in  the  fountain  of  my  heart  a  seal 
Is  set,  to  keep  its  waters  pure  and  bright 
For  thee." 

SHELLET. 


BOSTON: 
PUBLISHED  BY  JOHN  P.  JEAVETT  &  COMPANY. 

CLEVELAND,   OHIO: 

JEWETT,  PROCTOR  &  WORTHINGTON. 

1854. 


Entered  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1854,  by 

WILLIAM   M.   THAYEK, 
In  the  Clerk's  Office  of  the  District  Court  of  the  District  of  Massachusetts. 


STEREOTYPED     BY 

IIOBAKT  4   ROBBIXS, 

SEW   ENGLAND    TYPE  AND   STEREOTYPE   FOUNDRY, 
BOSTON. 


PREFACE. 


IT  has  become  quite  general  for  pastors  to  present  to  the 
couples  whom  they  marry  some  token  that  may  serve  as  coun 
sellor  and  guide  to  them  in  their  matrimonial  relations.  In 
observing  this  custom,  the  author  has  often  realized,  in  the 
course  of  his  ministry,  the  need  of  a  larger  and  more  compre 
hensive  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT  than  the  bookstores  at  pres 
ent  afford.  For  this  reason  he  has  prepared  this  humble 
volume,  and  now  sends  it  forth  upon  its  mission. 

The  work  is  written  with  special  reference  to  the  interest 
which  pastors  cherish  in  those  whom  they  unite  in  marriage. 
It  is  also  designed  to  embrace  a  discussion  of  the  more  impor 
tant  duties  and  principles  required  to  make  a  couple  happy 
and  their  home  peaceful. 

W.  M.  T. 


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CONTENTS. 


PAGE 

I.     PASTOR'S  ADDRESS  TO  THE    BRIDAL  PAIR, IK 

II.     DUTIES   OF   THE   CONJUGAL    RELATION, 27 

III.    DEDICATION   OF  THE  BRIDAL  HOME, 61 

TV.     LAST   AVOKDS  WITH  THE   BRIDAL  PAIR, 75 

POETRY, .  §9 


THE     BRIDAL     PAIR. 


I. 

PASTOR'S  ADDRESS  TO  THE  BRIDAL  PAIR. 


BRIDAL  PAIR  !  from  the  circle  of  home,  on  either  side, 
tearful  eyes  gaze  upon  your  receding  footsteps,  and  many 
a  "  God  bless  you !  "  falls  from  unfeigned  lips.  Here  and 
there  a  friend,  endeared  by  a  thousand  ties,  would  whisper 
in  your  ears  some  hearty  counsel,  and  wish  that  it  might 
be  held  as  a  treasure  in  your  loving  hearts.  But  no 
friend,  however  kind  and  true,  will  follow  you  with  deeper 
interest  than  he,  who,  in  the  name  of  God,  has  sealed 
your  nuptial  bands.  None  will  lift  for  you  a  heartier 
prayer  than  he.  Before  him  the  plighted  vow  was  made, 
and  he  pronounced  you  "  ONE."  Before  him,  calling 
upon  God  to  witness,  you  pledged  your  mutual  confidence 
and  love  for  life.  He  consummated  the  union  that  will  add 
essentially  to  your  earthly  weal  or  woe.  Untrue,  indeed, 
would  be  his  heart,  if  this  solemn  marriage-rite  did  not 
awaken  his  sincerest  interest  in  your  welfare  !  Unfeeling 
would  he  be,  if  the  glad  or  painful  tidings,  borne  to  his 
ear  of  your  course  and  destiny,  did  not  excite  his  joy  or 
regret ! 

Regard  it,  then,  as  true,  wedded  couple,  that,  while 
other  eyes  may  look  with  indifference  upon  your  ways, 


14  PASTOR'S  WEDDIKQ  GIFT. 

the  eye  of  him  who  married  you  will  never  turn  away 
from  your  life-path  until  it  is  closed  in  death,  or  you 
wander  beyond  the  sphere  of  his  knowledge  and  influence. 
The  best  wishes  of  his  heart  are  with  you,  and  "  good  news  " 
from  you  and  yours  will  be  hailed  with  delight.  What 
though  the  hand  of  Providence  guide  you  to  a  distant 
clime,  and  he  never  see  you  more ;  what  though  other 
sights  and  scenes  may  blot  his  name  from  your  memories ; 
what  though  time  may  work  its  fearful  changes  in  the 
circumstances  and  prospects  of  all ;  what  though  age  may 
whiten  your  shining  locks,  and  dim  your  laughing  eyes  ; 
—  that  he  married  you  is  enough  to  assure  his  hearty  re 
sponse  to  any  intelligence  that  may  be  borne  to  him  of 
your  hopes  and  destiny. 

Why  have  you  become  husband  and  wife  ?  Is  it  in 
obedience  to  an  imperious  demand  of  nature, —  because 
the  heart  was  made  to  love  ?  Is  it  to  lay  a  pure  offering 
upon  the  altar  of  affection  ?  I  see  that  the  human  heart 
everywhere  inclines  to  fasten  its  strong  attachment  upon 
something.  From  the  little  child  in  the  nursery  to  the 
old  man  upon  the  borders  of  the  grave,  there  is  the  same 
development.  From  the  untamed  savage  in  the  vast 
wilderness  to  the  refined  and  polished  scholar,  I  see  the 
sentiment  of  the  poet  verified  : 

"  The  heart,  like  the  tendril,  accustomed  to  cling, 

Let  it  grow  where  it  will,  cannot  flourish  alone  ; 
But  will  lean  to  the  nearest  and  loveliest  thing 
It  can  twine  with  itself  and  make  closely  its  own." 

Another  has  beautifully  said,  "  In  the  hovel  among  the 


ADDRESS   TO    THE   BRIDAL   PAIR.  15 

mountains,  in  the  palace  on  the  plains,  in  the  cot  by  the 
brook,  in  the  frescoed  seat  of  luxury,  in  the  abodes  of  the 
poor,  and  in  the  mansions  of  the  rich,  among  the  dwellers 
of  the  icy  north  and  those  of  the  sunny  south,  on  the 
lone  islands  of  the  sea  and  the  distant  lands  of  blossom 
and  song,  we  find  the  same  native  plant  of  affection  grow 
ing  luxuriantly ;  in  all  climes  and  in  all  places,  a  native 
everywhere,  and  an  exotic  nowhere.  The  Indian,  in  his 
stern,  savage  vigor,  and  wild,  storm-like  power,  bows,  a 
softened  and  subdued  worshipper,  at  its  shrine.  The 
philosopher,  in  the  great  laboratory  of  nature,  with  her 
crucibles,  her  telescopes,  her  fires  and  her  laws,  scattered 
around  him,  forgets  not  to  bring  his  daily  gift  to  the 
shrine  of  the  heart.  The  monarch  of  empires,  the  king 
of  nations,  the  commander  of  armies,  the  conqueror  of  the 
world,  never  blots  from  his  soul  this  immortal  image  of 
the  God  of  love!" 

Why,  then,  this  plighted  vow?  Is  it  to  obey  the 
promptings  of  this  inward  sentiment,  pure  and  lovely  as 
can  fill  the  soul  ?  Then  Heaven  will  smile  upon  your 
union,  and  you  will  bless  the  day  that  made  you  "  ONE  !  " 
If  otherwise,  you  have  mingled  for  yourselves  a  cup  of 
bitterness  to  be  drunk  to  its  very  dregs.  In  the  tones  of 
the  voice,  the  words  of  the  mouth,  the  shades  of  the  brow> 
and  the  sorrow  of  the  heart,  there  will  be  a  decided  utter 
ance  of  the  ills  entailed.  The  fountains  of  sympathy  will 
be  dried  up,  the  emotions  of  tenderness  will  be  eradicated, 
and  reciprocal  kindness  and  dewy  tears  will  pass  away. 
Sad  blight  upon  the  buds  and  blossoms  of  early  hope  and 
friendship  ! 


16  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

Often  ask  yourselves,  amid  the  cares  and  duties  of  life, 
Why  this  plighted  vow  ?  Perhaps  it  will  leave  a  blessing 
behind,  even  though  there  arise  no  specific  answer.  It  is 
well  to  interrogate  our  hearts,  — -  well  to  test  our  senti 
ments  and  principles. 

The  inquiry  will  often  arise  in  the  heart  of  him  who 
married  you,  Whither  gone  ?  In  what  neighborhood  or 
land  is  their  abode  ?  What  company  do  they  gladden  or 
annoy  by  their  presence  ?  As  he  turns  over  the  leaves 

of  his  Pastoral  Record,  he  reads,  "  On  the day  of 

married  Mr. and  Miss :  "  and,  how 
ever  dim  the  recollection  of  the  event  because  of  the  lapse 
of  years,  it  now  flashes  upon  his  mind  as  if  it  were  a  fact 
of  yesterday.  Gladly  would  he  fly  on  the  wings  of  imagi 
nation  to  their  habitation,  to  trace  upon  their  brows  the 
lines  of  past  experience.  Gone  whither  ?  he  inquires  again 
and  again,  nor  is  he  satisfied  with  the  answering  echo, 
Whither  ?  He  would  listen  to  some  reports  of  their 
whereabouts,  if  not  behold  with  his  own  eyes  the  abode 
where  cluster  their  earthly  hopes.  He  remembers  a 
youthful  couple  whom  he  pronounced  "  man  and  wife," 
some  years  ago,  on  the  eve  of  their  departure  to  the 
alluring  West,  —  and  good  tidings  have  often  been  borne 
from  their  home  on  the  rolling  prairie.  He  recalls  an 
other  hopeful  pair,  married  in  his  own  parlor,  on  Christ 
mas  Eve,  as  fair  and  beautiful  a  bride  and  bridegroom  as 
ever  stood  at  the  altar  of  marriage,  —  and  they  went  forth 
to  seek  their  fortune  in  the  wide,  wide  world.  The  only 
answer  ever  returned  to  his  question,  Whither  ?  has 
been  the  echo,  Whither  ?  And  still  another  memory 


ADDRESS   TO    THE    BRIDAL    PAIR.  17 

retains  the  city  merchant  with  his  blooming  country 
bride,  taken  to  her  new  and  splendid  home  in  the  great 
metropolis.  Ten  years  have  passed  away,  and  now  he 
learns  that  fortune  has  smiled  upon  them,  and  they  have 
just  sailed  on  a  pleasure-tour  to  the  "  Old  World  "  and 
Palestine. 

But  he  would  learn  from  all  whom  he  has  introduced 
into  this  life-alliance.  He  would  have  no  dark  uncer 
tainty  brooding  over  their  wanderings,  no  mystic  veil 
conceal  the  spot  where  their  tents  are  pitched.  Whether 
reposing  on  a  wild  prairie  of  the  West,  or  in  the  valley 
of  its  mammoth  river,  in  rural  village  or  crowded  city, 
or  amid  strangers  in  distant  climes, 

"Over  the  dark  blue  sea," 

he  would  learn  of  their  blissful  or  wretched  homes. 

Doubtless  golden  visions  of  the  future  are  enchanting 
your  hearts,  and  you  scarcely  indulge  a  doubt  that  your 
highest  expectations  will  be  realized.  More  is  usually 
anticipated  at  the  altar  of  marriage  than  is  enjoyed.  The 
matrimonial  state  is  often  hailed  as  an  Elysian  land,  where 
sighs  are  all  hushed,  and  tears  are  all  wiped  from  the 
eyes.  And  it  is  far  better  that  the  wedded  couple  be  full 
of  hope  and  promise  than  saddened  and  dejected  upon  the 
threshold  of  their  life-relation.  Still,  moderation  should 
be  exercised,  lest  disappointment,  unexpected  and  severe, 
roll  too  great  a  burden  upon  their  sensitive  natures. 
There  is  a  flattery  of  the  future  to  inexperienced  minds 
that  otten  awakens  expectations  only  to  disappoint  them. 
The  shores  of  time  are  scattered  with  the  wrecks  of  cher- 
2 


18  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

ished  plans  and  hopes,  destroyed  by  the  delusive  flatteries 
of  the  world. 

Moderate  your  expectations.  Be  not  cheated  by  the 
world's  vain  promises.  Maintain  proper  and  reasonable 
views  of  life.  Expect  little,  and  be  prepared  for  much. 
Know  that  anticipation  is  the  eclipse  of  realization.  The 
honey-moon  does  not  last  forever.  "  It  is  not  always 
May  !  "  Winter  follows  the  blooming  beauties  of  summer 
and  the  "golden  crops"  of  autumn.  Clouds  and  sunshine 
alternate.  Storm  and  calm,  day  and  night,  succeed  each 
other.  Perpetual  fair  weather  is  not  well.  A  tempest 
purifies  the  noxious  air.  So  human  experience  is  check 
ered,  changeful,  sorrowful  and  joyous,  and  all  the  better 
for  that.  There  is  much  truth  in  the  following  lines  of 
Pope : 

"  Love,  Hope  and  Joy,  fair  Pleasure's  smiling  train, 
Hate,  Fear  and  Grief,  the  family  of  Pain  ; 
These,  mixed  with  art,  and  to  due  bounds  confined, 
Make  and  maintain  the  balance  of  the  mind  ; 
The  lights  and  shades,  whose  well-accorded  strife 
Gives  all  the  strength  and  color  of  our  life." 

If  you  were  made  the  recipient  of  all  the  blessings  that 
you  expect  at  the  hand  of  Providence,  it  would  doubtless 
prove  your  ruin.  It  would  be  well  neither  for  your  mind 
nor  heart  to  be  so  blest.  It  is  well  that  some  of  your 
nattering  dreams  are  nothing  more  than  dreams,  —  that 
some  of  the  anticipated  sights  and  scenes  are  mere  visions 
of  the  fancy. 

You  go  forth  from  a  kindred  circle  that  still  has  claims 
upon  your  affections.  Warm  hearts  may  yet  throb 


ADDRESS   TO    THE   BRIDAL   PAIR.  19 

therein  for  you.  They  have  loved  much,  felt  much, 
experienced  much,  for  you.  Possibly,  some  of  them 
may  have  done  more  for  your  welfare  than  any  and  all 
other  earthly  friends.  You,  yourselves,  have  yet  to  prove 
that  you  can  and  will  do  more  for  each  other  than  they 
have  done  for  you.  As  yet  you  have  only  promised  ;  it 
remains  to  fulfil.  But  those  whom  you  leave  behind  have 
proved  their  fidelity.  They  have  watched,  toiled,  wept, 
perhaps  prayed.  Their  influence  has  been  exerted, — 
their  impression  is  made,  —  their  work  is  done. 

Forget  not  your  father  and  mother,  brother  and  sister, 
in  your  love  for  each  other.  Cherish  their  memories,  as 
a  precious  legacy,  after  you  bid  adieu  to  them  and  the  old 
mansion  where  you  have  safely  dwelt.  Often  let  your 
minds  wander  back  to  the  homestead  where  the  loved  ones 
gathered  in  fond  and  unbroken  fellowship.  Forget  not 
the  shady  tree  and  the  meandering  stream,  on  whose 
banks  you  plucked  the  mint  and  cowslip,  and  where  you 
listened  to  the  merry  warblers,  the  robin,  thrush  and  jay, 
filling  the  air  with  the  music  of  their  songs.  And,  0, 
never  lose  the  recollection  of  that  mother's  smile,  and  the 
kind  voice  that  enforced  a  father's  mandate,  when  your 
childhood  nestled  under  the  wing  of  their  affection  ! 

These  are  bright  mementos  of  the  early  home  to  be 
cherished  when  you  are  far  away  from  the  ancestral  fire 
side,  and  will  serve  to  connect  the  past  and  future  as  the 
uniting  link  of  an  otherwise  severed  chain.  It  is  well  for 
you  to  tarry  at  this  crisis  of  life,  and  look  back  upon  the 
bowers  that  you  leave  ere  you  too  highly  exalt  your  bridal 
home.  It  may  modify  your  expectations,  and  prepare 


20  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

you  for  an  ever-changeful  experience.  And,  though  the 
time  never  comes  when  your  hopes  are  fully  realized,  giv 
ing  heed  to  these  suggestions  may  contribute  largely  to 
your  contentment. 

Still,  you  are  to  love  each  other  more  than  your  kin 
dred,  and  your  bridal  more  than  your  natal  home.  With 
the  warmest,  largest  heart  you  should  fill  this  new  rela 
tion.  This  alone  is  consistent  with  the  vow  you  have 
made,  and  the  obligations  that  rest  upon  you.  Without 
this  there  is  no  assurance  that  your  home  and  union  will 
be  happy. 

Inquiries  relating  to  your  destiny  will  often  be  made 
by  him  who  married  you.  Does  the  smile  of  fortune  rest 
upon  them,  or  the  blight  of  disappointment  nip  their 
budding  hopes  ?  Are  they  indulged  and  petted  in  the  lap 
of  luxury,  or  do  they  struggle  and  repine  under  the  pres 
sure  of  poverty  ?  Are  they  successful  in  the  pursuits  of 
life,  or  do  they  weep  over  blasted  expectations?  Do  they 
walk  in  the  fear  of  God,  or  bow  their  hearts  to  Baal  and 
Ashtaroth  ?  Does  the  sweet  incense  of  virtue,  or  the  ex 
halations  of  vice,  ascend  from  their  path  ?  Is  religion 
their  guide,  solace  and  support,  or  are  they  crossing  the 
sea  of  life  without  chart  or  compass  ?  Are  they  serving 
God  or  the  delusive  world  ?  Are  they  living  or  dead  ? 
What  is  their  destiny  ? 

With  such  inquiries  the  pastor  will  follow  you  from  the 
marriage-altar  into  (he  conflicts  of  life.  To  him  there  is 
something  grand  in  your  going  forth  to  add  another  to  the 
families  of  earth.  It  is  grappling  with  human  responsi 
bility  at  a  crisis  of  life,  and  will  plant  another  rose  or 


ADDRESS   TO   THE   BRIDAL    PAIR.  21 

brier  in  the  garden  of  domestic  experience.  It  is  open 
ing  the  door  of  another  home  whither  friends  will  delight 
to  wend  their  way.  It  is  laying  a  hearthstone  around 
which  early  "  loves  "  will  cluster.  What  affections  may  be 
nurtured  there !  What  fountains  of  bliss  opened  !  What 
noble  purposes  evolved !  What  anticipations  realized ! 
And,  alas  !  (forced  to  view  the  darkest  side  of  the  picture), 
what  feuds  may  be  engendered !  What  hopes  dashed  ! 
What  virtues  sacrificed !  What  hearts  broken  !  What 
destruction  wrought ! 

None  more  than  he  who  married  you  will  rejoice  to  hear 
that  you  are  blest  in  basket  and  store.  The  good  things 
of  this  world,  in  liberal  measure,  used  as  not  abusing 
them,  will  contribute  to  your  felicity ;  and  he  would  have 
you  share  them  by  honest  means  and  with  a  goodly 
spirit. 

"  A  good  name  is  rather  to  be  chosen  than  great  riches, 
and  loving  favor  rather  than  silver  and  gold."  Beautiful 
words  of  the  wise  man  are  these ;  and  who  would  not 
delight  to  see  them  verified  in  your  experience !  It 
would  surely  gratify  him  who  invoked  the  divine  blessing 
upon  your  wedding-day.  A  name  that  shall  be  as  the 
sweet  perfume  of  flowers  to  fellow-travellers  in  life,  may 
this  be  yours  beyond  the  power  of  slander  or  malice  to 
destroy  !  As  the  music  of  pleasant  voices,  and  the  melody 
of  harp  and  timbrel,  may  the  sound  of  your  name  fall 
upon  every  wayfarer's  ear  ! 

"  A  friend  loveth  at  all  times,  and  a  brother  is  born  for 
adversity."  May  such  gather  around  you  with  the  good 
cheer  of  wholesome  counsel  and  true  sympathy, —  a  faith- 


22  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

ful  band,  whose  friendship  is  tried,  and  whose  love  faileth 
not !  May  they  prove  your  armor-bearers  and  life-guards. 
"  As  the  mountains  are  round  about  Jerusalem,"  so  may 
their  fidelity  and  love  surround  you  as  a  bulwark  of  de 
fence.  And,  more  than  all,  may  you  enjoy  the  good-will 
of  that  greater,  better,  holier  FRIEND  who  "  sticketh  closer 
than  a  brother." 

Does  trial  come  upon  you  when  walking  in  the  plain 
path  of  duty  ?  The  tidings  awaken  the  sympathies  of 
your  aforenamed  well-wisher.  Trial  in  some  form  and 
measure  must  be  experienced  in  this  world,  and,  properly 
regarded,  it  comes  as  a  "  blessing  in  disguise."  Tenderly 
may  the  blessed  Lord  deal  with  you  in  this  regard,  tem 
pering  the  wind  to  the  shorn  lamb  !  The  early  rupture  of 
your  marriage-bonds  by  the  hand  of  death  would  be  de 
plored  by  him  whose  ministrations  gave  them  being. 
Long  may  you  walk  together  in  the  endearing  relation  of 
husband  and  wife,  the  union  severed  not  until  bowed  with 
weary  age,  and  parted  then  to  renew  your  love  amid  the 
joys  and  glories  of  the  "  Better  Land." 

To  aid  you  in  the  discharge  of  important  duties,  you 
will  find  counsels  recorded  in  the  remainder  of  this  volume. 
Ponder  and  live  them  well,  and  great  will  be  your  reward. 

"  Then  may  the  union  of  young  hearts, 

So  early  and  so  well  begun, 
Like  sea  and  shore,  in  all  their  parts, 
Appear  as  twain,  but  be  as  one. 

"  Be  it  like  summer —  may  they  find 

Bliss,  beauty,  hope,  where'er  they  roam  ; 
Be  it  like  winter,  when  confined, — 
Peace,  comfort,  happiness,  at  home. 


ADDRESS    TO    TUB    BRIDAL    PAIR.  23 

"  Like  day  and  night  —  sweet  interchange 

Of  care,  enjoyment,  action,  rest  ; 
Absence  nor  coldness  e'er  estrange 
Hearts  by  unfailing  love  possessed  ! 

"  Like  earth's  horizon  —  be  their  scene 
Of  life  a  rich  and  various  ground  ; 
And,  whether  lowering  or  serene, 
Heaven  all  above  it  and  around. 

"  When  land  and  ocean,  day  and  night, 
When  years  and  nature  cease  to  be, 
May  their  inheritance  be  light, 
Their  union,  one  eternity." 

MONTGOMERY. 


DUTIES 


CONJUGAL    RELATION. 


II. 

DUTIES     OF    THE     CONJUGAL    RELATION. 


You  will  readily  admit,  dear  friends,  the  truth  of  the 
old  maxim,  "  It  is  wise  to  weigh  well  what  we  can  only 
once  decide."  A  decision  that  is  final  in  regard  to  almost 
any  subject  invests  it  with  peculiar  interest  and  import 
ance.  The  whole  responsibility  with  which  it  is  fraught  is 
crowded  into  that  single  act  of  the  will.  I  remember  to 
have  seen  somewhere  the  following  incident.  A  ship's 
crew  were  cast  upon  a  desolate  island  in  a  storm.  The 
prospect  of  their  deliverance  was  very  dark.  There  was 
scarcely  any  hope  of  their  preservation  unless  they  could 
strike  a  fire.  Preparations  were  made  to  kindle  a  fire, 
and  a  pile  of  fagots  were  gathered.  But  on  opening  their 
match-box,  it  contained  but  a  single  match  !  What  fear 
ful  interest  gathered  around  that  single  match  as  it  was 
lifted  to  strike  !  Life  itself  was  suspended  upon  it !  If 
they  failed  in  the  attempt  to  light  it,  they  were  lost ;  if 
successful,  they  were  probably  safe. 

Somewhat  of  that  interest  invests  every  subject  when 
the  decision  that  disposes  of  it  forever  is  made.  This  is 
even  true  of  those  secular  affairs  whose  importance  is 
comparatively  small.  The  merchant  reaches  a  crisis  in 


28  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

his  business,  when  everything  seems  to  depend  upon  one 
timely  act,  and  the  pressure  of  responsibility  causes  him 
to  tremble  as  he  meets  it.  The  sailor  tosses  upon  a 
stormy  sea  when  his  fate  is  possibly  decided  by  the  reef 
ing  of  a  sail  or  a  turn  of  the  rudder ;  and  who  can  fully 
realize  the  almost  crushing  interest  of  the  moment  ? 

This  truth  is  strikingly  illustrated  in  the  conjugal  rela 
tion.  Marriage  is  decided  but  once.  It  is  a  life-union. 
The  die  is  cast  for  happiness  or  misery.  The  moment  a 
bridal  couple  are  pronounced  "  husband  and  wife,"  their 
destiny  is  fixed.  What  God  has  joined  together,  man 
cannot  put  asunder.  Happy  or  not,  the  wedded  pair  must 
continue  in  the  bands  of  wedlock.  It  was  their  own 
choice,  —  a  deliberate  resolve,  —  and  they  must  abide  the 
consequences.  Come  what  may,  it  is  done  "  once  for  all." 
In  such  relations  there  is  deep  meaning  in  that  little 
word,  ONCE.  It  deserves  to  be  pondered.  It  is  no  trifle. 
Nothing  is  trifling  that  confers  weal  or  woe.  "  ONCE  FOR 
ALL,"  —  though  it  crushes  both  the  wedded  hearts,  and  a 
score  of  others  with  them  !  Once  done,  —  done  forever ! 

Such  importance  is  evidently  not  attached  to  marriage 
by  the  majority  of  those  who  enter  it.  The  relation  is  too 
often  entered  without  considering  what  issues  are  at  stake. 
An  eminent  writer  says,  "  They  who  enter  the  marriage 
state  cast  a  die  of  the  greatest  contingency,  and  yet  of  the 
greatest  interest  in  the  world,  next  to  the  last  throw  for 
eternity.  Life  or  death,  felicity  or  a  lasting  sorrow,  are 
in  the  power  of  marriage.  A  woman,  indeed,  ventures 
most,  for  she  hath  no  sanctuary  to  retire  to  from  an  evil 
husband.  She  must  dwell  upon  her  sorrow,  which  her 


DUTIES   OF   THE   CONJUGAL   RELATION.  29 

own  folly  hath  produced ;  and  she  is  more  under  it,  be 
cause  her  tormentor  hath  warrant  of  prerogative,  and  the 
woman  may  complain  to  God,  as  subjects  do  of  tyrant 
princes,  but  otherwise  she  hath  no  appeal  in  the  causes  of 
unkindness.  And,  though  the  man  can  run  from  many 
hours  of  sadness,  yet  he  must  return  to  it  again  ;  and 
when  he  sits  among  his  neighbors,  he  remembers  the  ob 
jection  that  lies  in  his  bosom,  and  he  sighs  deeply." 

It  does  not  require  very  close  observation  to  learn  that 
few  attach  such  importance  to  the  conjugal  relation.  The 
slight  regard  paid  to  its  DUTIES,  on  every  hand,  is  suf 
ficient  proof  of  this.  Every  observer  is  forced  to  believe 
that  multitudes  of  the  married  would  rejoice  to  be  released 
from  the  bonds.  A  writer  states,  as  his  opinion,  that  at 
least  one  family  of  every  five,  in  the  city  of  Boston,  would 
be  happier  in  being  separated,  than  they  are  in  dwelling 
together.  This  need  not  be  said  particularly  of  Boston. 
Something  like  this  is  true  of  every  town  and  neighbor 
hood.  And  it  shows  that  there  must  be  a  great  neglect 
of  the  DUTIES  belonging  to  this  relation.  Such  conse 
quences  are  not  a  necessary  result.  If  they  were,  it  would 
be  a  stain  upon  the  wisdom  and  goodness  of  Him  who 
ordained  that  "  they  twain  shall  be  one  flesh." 

To  prove  that  I  have  not  unduly  magnified  the  delin 
quencies  of  married  couples,  let  me  state  what  I  have  seen 
with  my  own  eyes  ;  and  probably  nearly  every  reader  will 
say  that  he  has  witnessed  the  same.  Such  a  view  of  facts 
will  prepare  the  way  for  a  better  understanding  of  the 
DUTIES  that  we  may  discuss. 

I  have  seen  a  wife  pouring  her  complaints  into  the  ear 


30  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

of  an  unmarried  friend,  and  asserting  that  her  early  an 
ticipations  were  only  dreams,  —  that  the  ardent  love  of 
youth  is  romantic  and  delusive,  —  and  that  they  who 
never  marry  are  the  more  fortunate  class. 

I  have  seen  a  husband  absent  himself  from  his  home  as 
if  it  were  only  a  place  to  eat  and  lodge,  plunging  into 
business  with  a  sort  of  desperation,  or  seeking  enjoyment 
among  the  congregated  neighbors  at  the  public  inn  or 
stores — doing  this  week  after  week,  and  month  after  month ; 
yea,  I  have  known  him  to  go  to  the  social  party,  or  ball, 
leaving  his  invalid  wife  at  home  to  entertarn  herself  and 
children  as  best  she  could,  —  evidently  depending  more  upon 
parties,  clubs  and  balls,  for  entertainment,  than  he  did 
upon  his  faithful  wife  and  loving  children. 

I  have  seen  the  splendid  mansion,  richly  furnished  with 
all  that  can  delight  the  eye  or  please  the  taste,  and  all 
done  to  gratify  a  refined  and  professedly  pious  wife  ;  yet 
discontent  preyed  upon  her  heart,  and  her  home  was  not 
such  a  home  as  she  desired.  If  she  could  only  be  situated 
like  Mrs.  A.  or  Mrs.  B.,  she  should  be  perfectly  happy, 
and  would  ask  no  more  ;  but,  as  it  is,  there  are  too  many 
disappointments  and  vexations  to  admit  of  much  enjoy 
ment. 

I  have  seen  a  man  control  his  purse  with  the  exactness 
of  a  cashier,  as  he  doled  out  "  here  a  little  and  there  a 
little  "  to  his  toiling  wife,  —  never  entrusting  it  to  her 
even  to  carry  to  the  store,  and  never  giving  her  a  fraction 
of  a  dollar  to  lay  aside  for  such  a  use  as  her  own  wisdom 
and  wants  determine.  Every  cent  for  which  she  asked 
was  parted  with  as  if  it  were  heartily  begrudged,  and  his 


DUTIES    OF    THE    CONJUGAL   RELATION.  31 

actions  and  looks  seemed  to  say,  "  What  can  a  woman 
want  of  money  ?  " 

I  have  seen  another,  —  a  husband  who  would  think 
himself  insulted  if  he  were  charged  with  unkindness,  yet 
this  charge  is  too  tame  for  his  cruelty.  I  have  seen  him 
absolutely  compel  his  pious  wife  to  leave  her  own  meeting 
because  his  religious  views  differed  from  hers,  thus  play 
ing  the  tyrant  over  her  conscience  and  heart,  —  the  worst 
form  of  tyranny  with  which  the  world  is  cursed,  —  and 
still  having  the  audacity  to  consider  himself  a  gentleman. 

I  have  seen  a  wife  so  enslaved  to  her  companion  as  not 
to  dare  purchase  the  smallest  article  without  his  consent. 
A  book,  a  dress,  any  sort  of  a  nicknack,  offered  upon  the 
most  reasonable  terms  by  a  trader  at  her  door,  —  none  of 
them  can  be  bought  until  he  has  been  consulted.  He 
must  be  sent  for,  or  the  trader  must  call  again.  She  may 
strongly  desire  the  article,  —  it  may  even  be  quite  neces 
sary  in  the  family  ;  but  it  is  of  no  use,  —  she  is  in  bondage 
to  her  husband,  and  must  wait  his  nod.  Indeed,  in  works 
of  charity,  in  which  her  brothers  and  sisters  in  Christ  are 
engaged,  she  could  not  consult  the  dictates  of  her  own 
conscience.  Why  should  she  ?  Her  husband  controls  that. 
Her  poor  conscience  cannot  act  except  at  his  "  say  so  ;" 
she  must  consult  him,  and  know  whether  she  can  give 
anything  to  the  perishing,  and,  if  she  can,  how  much. 
Wonderful  privilege  !  If  this  be  not  domestic  despotism, 
worse  than  Austrian  tyranny,  then  there  is  no  despotism  ! 

I  have  seen  a  husband  transact  his  business  with  a 
studious  effort  to  keep  his  wife  ignorant  of  the  true  state 
of  his  affairs.  All  the  while  she  supposed  that  he  was 


32  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

very  prosperous,  and  conducted  her  household  .arrange 
ments  upon  a  more  expensive  scale  than  she  otherwise 
would  have  done.  And  when,  at  last,  she  received  the 
unexpected  and  unwelcome  tidings  that  her  husband  was 
a  bankrupt,  it  well-nigh  overwhelmed  her.  She  re 
proached  him  for  his  secrecy,  while  she  thought  of  this, 
that,  and  the  other  way  in  which  she  might  have  econo 
mized,  to  the  no  small  advantage  of  the  creditors. 

I  have  seen  a  lazy  husband,  lounging  about  the  streets, 
interested  in  every  person's  business  but  his  own ;  a 
hanger-on  at  the  hotel  and  stores,  and  more  willing  to 
lend  a  helping  hand  in  his  sick  neighbor's  family  than  in 
his  own  ;  while  his  faithful  wife  was  toiling  at  home  to 
support  him  and  the  hungry  children,  —  up  early,  and  late 
to  bed,  that  she  might  have  the  more  crumbs  to  drop  into 
the  open  mouths  of  the  little  ones  cooing  in  her  nest,  —  a 
self-sacrificing,  devoted  partner,  willing  to  wear  herself 
out  for  the  sake  of  an  indolent  husband  and  dependent 
babes. 

I  have  seen  a  vain  and  wasteful  wife,  possessing  more 
taste  for  dress  than  good  sense,  wearing  property  enough 
upon  her  back  to  clothe  an  ordinary  family,  in  no  sense 
"  a  keeper  at  home,"  but  rather  a  gadding,  flirting,  loqua 
cious  woman,  having  less  care  of  the  household  than  the 
two  well-paid  domestics ;  while  her  indulgent  husband 
labored  hard  in  a  somewhat  prosperous  pursuit  to  make 
"his  ends  meet,"  often  sad  and  dejected  because  he  could 
lay  in  store  nothing  for  a  "rainy  day,"  and  the  infirmities 
of  age. 

I  have  seen  the  clergyman  who  has  been  asked  by  a 


DUTIES   OF   THE   CONJUGAL   RELATION.  33 

father  if  he  would  marry  his  daughter  without  making  her 
promise  to  love  her  husband,  inasmuch  as  she  had  no 
special  affection  for  him.  She  was  too  conscientious  to 
say,  before  God,  that  she  loved  him  when  the  reverse  was 
true ;  yet  she  could*  become  his  wife,  and  thus  make  her 
self  and  him  miserable  through  life,  with  no  scruples  of 
conscience. 

Who  has  ever  seen  a  couple  at  fifty  or  sixty  years  of 
age  apparently  so  well  pleased  with  each  other  as  they 
were  during  the  first  year  of  their  married  life  ?  I  do 
not  say  that  such  couples  are  not  found,  but  are  they  not 
few  and  far  between  ? 

But  time  would  fail  me  to  enumerate  all  that  is  open  to 
the  eye  of  every  observer,  telling  of  the  miseries  that  are 
entailed  by  unfortunate  marriages.  I  have  not  pointed  to 
the  more  revolting  scenes  of  alienation  and  discord  be 
tween  husband  and  wife  that  are  witnessed  here  and 
there  ;  I  have  taken  my  examples  from  so-called  respect 
able  society,  just  as  it  appears  in  the  most  enlightened 
and  Christian  neighborhoods.  The  reader  will  readily 
recall  scenes  which  have  come  under  his  observation, 
answering  to  those  described  above.  In  every  one  of  the 
examples  enumerated  there  is  a  violation  of  some  conjugal 
duty  by  one  or  both  of  the  parties. 

And  what  does  all  this  prove  ?  Certainly,  that  the 
DUTIES  of  the  conjugal  relation  receive  little  attention  from 
multitudes  who  enter  it.  They  seem  to  regard  matrimony 
as  a  generous  benefactress,  who  pours  munificent  gifts 
into  the  laps  of  all  who  enter  her  domain,  without  refer 
ence  to  fidelity  on  their  part.  Fatal  delusion !  The 
3 


34  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

arch-fiend  never  invented  a  more  successful  instrument 
for  the  destruction  of  human  happiness  !  The  very  rela 
tion,  which  God  designed  to  add  greatly  to  earthly  bliss, 
becomes  the  occasion  of  indescribable  woe. 

Let  us  then  turn  to  a  consideration  of  the  DUTIES  in 
volved  in  the  marriage  contract.  Doubtless  you  desire 
to  avoid  the  rocks  and  shoals  on  which  other  barks 
have  split,  and  derive  all  the  happiness  from  your  new 
relation  which  it  is  capable  of  yielding.  Be  assured  this 
can  be  done  only  by  a  faithful  discharge  of  the  DUTIES  to 
which  your  attention  is  now  earnestly  invited. 

The  first  duty  that  ought  to  be  well  considered  is  this, 
—  to  realize  that  true  domestic  happiness  depends  much 
upon  the  little  things  of  life.  Little  attentions,  little  acts 
of  devotion,  little  kindnesses,  well-nigh  determine  the  hap 
piness  of  wedded  life.  Little  neglects,  little  words  of 
bitterness,  little  offences,  mar  the  conjugal  relation,  — 
they  are  the  little  foxes  that  spoil  the  vines. 

"  A  pebble  in  the  streamlet  scant 

Has  turned  the  course  of  many  a  river  ; 
A  dewdrop  011  the  baby  plant 
Has  warped  the  giant  oak  forever !  " 

Coleridge  says,  "  The  happiness  of  life  is  made  up  of 
minute  fractions,  the  little  soon-forgotten  charities  of  a 
kiss,  a  smile,  a  kind  look,  a  heartfelt  compliment  in  the 
disguise  of  playful  raillery,  and  the  countless  other  infi 
nitesimals  of  pleasurable  thought  and  genial  feeling." 
The  experience  of  every  wedded  couple  testifies  to  the 
truthfulness  of  these  remarks.  A  few  moments  of  reflec- 


DUTIES  OF  THE  CONJUGAL  RELATION.        35 

tion  will  satisfy  the  reader  that  such  minor  transactions 
as  are  scarcely  thought  worthy  of  attention  essentially 
"  make  or  mar  "  the  happiness  of  the  marriage  state. 

JEREMY  TAYLOR  has  spoken  upon  this  subject  in  such 
beautiful  words  that  I  quote  his  language  at  some  length. 
"  Man  and  wife  are  equally  concerned  to  avoid  all  offences 
of  each  other  in  the  beginning  of  their  conversation ; 
every  little  thing  can  blast  an  infant  blossom ;  and  the 
breath  of  the  south  can  shake  the  little  rings  of  the  vine 
when  first  they  begin  to  curl  like  the  locks  of  a  new- 
weaned  boy ;  but  when  by  age  and  consolidation  they 
stiffen  into  the  hardness  of  a  stem,  and  have,  by  the  warm 
rays  of  the  sun,  and  the  kisses  of  heaven,  brought  forth 
their  clusters,  they  can  endure  the  storms  of  the  north, 
and  the  loud  noises  of  a  tempest,  and  yet  never  be  broken ; 
so  are  the  early  unions  of  an  unfixed  marriage  ;  watchful 
and  observant,  jealous  and  busy,  inquisitive  and  careful, 
and  apt  to  take  alarm  at  every  unkind  word.  For  infirm 
ities  do  not  manifest  themselves  in  the  first  scenes,  but  in 
the  succession  of  a  long  society ;  and  it  is  not  chance  or 
weakness  when  it  appears  at  first,  but  it  is  want  of  love 
or  prudence,  or  it  will  be  so  expounded ;  and  that  which 
appears  ill  at  first,  usually  affrights  the  inexperienced  man 
or  woman,  who  makes  unequal  conjectures,  and  fancies 
mighty  sorrows,  by  the  proportions  of  the  new  and  early 
unkindness.  It  is  a  very  great  passion,  or  a  huge  folly, 
or  a  certain  want  of  love,  that  cannot  preserve  the  colors 
and  beauties  of  kindness,  so  long  as  public  honesty  re 
quires  a  man  to  wear  their  sorrows  for  the  death  of  a 
friend.  Plutarch  compares  a  new  marriage  to  a  vessel 


36  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

before  the  hoops  are  on  ;  everything  dissolves  its  tender 
compaginations;  but  when  the  joints  are  stiffened,  and  are 
tied  by  a  firm  compliance  and  proportioned  bending, 
scarcely  can  it  be  dissolved  without  fire,  or  the  violence 
of  iron.  After  the  hearts  of  the  man  and  the  wife  are 
endeared  and  hardened  by  a  mutual  confidence  and  ex 
perience,  longer  than  artifice  and  pretence  can  last,  there 
are  a  great  many  remembrances,  and  some  things  present, 
that  dash  all  little  unkindnesses  in  pieces." 

"  Let  man  and  wife  be  careful  to  stifle  little  things, 
that,  as  fast  as  they  spring,  they  be  cut  down  and  trod 
upon ;  for,  if  they  be  suffered  to  grow  by  numbers,  they 
make  the  spirit  peevish,  and  the  society  troublesome,  and 
the  affections  loose  and  uneasy  by  an  habitual  aversation. 
Some  men  are  more  vexed  with  a  fly  than  a  wound  ;  and 
when  the  gnats  disturb  our  sleep,  and  the  reason  is  dis 
quieted,  but  not  perfectly  awakened,  it  is  often  seen  that 
he  is  fuller  of  trouble  than  if,  in  the  daylight  of  reason, 
he  were  to  contest  with  a  potent  enemy." 

It  is  the  duty  of  husband  and  wife  to  cherish  the 
WARMEST  AFFECTION  for  each  other.  It  is  impossible  for 
them  to  exercise  that  watchfulness  already  spoken  of 
without  this.  They  may  highly  respect  each  other,  yet 
without  love  their  union  cannot  be  harmonious  and  happy. 
If  mutual  attachment  does  not  bind  them  closely  together, 
they  are  not  disposed  to  overlook  each  other's  faults,  nor 
duly  appreciate  each  other's  excellences.  Nothing  can 
atone  for  the  want  of  this  charming  grace.  It  is  the  har 
binger  of  all  that  is  good  in  matrimony,  and  the  panacea 
for  all  its  ills. 


DUTIES   OF   THE    CONJUGAL    RELATION.  37 

"  Love  is  a  star  whose  gentle  ray 
Beams  constant  o'er  our  lonely  way  ; 
Love  is  a  gem,  whose  pearly  light 
Oft  charms  us  in  the  darkest  night." 

There  are  earthly  homes  in  which  we  behold  the  exhibi 
tion  of  this  virtue  in  all  its  purity.  The  "  two  hearts 
one,"  are  one  in  very  truth.  There  are  no  differences  and 
altercations  between  them,  but  a  sweet  communion  of 
spirit  blends  feeling  and  interest  as  the  colors  of  the 
morning  light.  Nothing  can  exceed  the  beauty  of  such  a 
scene,  —  fair  type  of  the  closer  bond  that  will  unite  the 
saved  in  heaven.  The  discussion  of  the  theme  is  marred 
only  by  the  admission  that  such  examples  are  exceedingly 
rare. 

To  marry  for  LOVE  is  a  consideration  which  cannot  be 
assailed  by  ridicule  or  argument.  It  is  a  motive  that 
commends  itself  to  every  person's  conscience  as  pure  and 
lofty.  On  the  other  hand,  to  marry  for  money,  or  a 
home,  or  for  beauty,  or  any  other  kindred  object,  cannot 
be  regarded  otherwise  than  foolish  and  censurable.  All 
of  these  things  have  their  place,  but  it  is  quite  wide  from 
the  first.  It  may  be  well  to  possess  a  degree  of  wealth  ; 
properly  used  it  may  become  the  means  of  extensive  use 
fulness.  But  to  make  this  the  supreme  object,  or  even  to 
approximate  to  this,  is  certain  death  to  domestic  peace 
and  happiness.  The  same  may  be  said  of  beauty.  We 
would  not  pronounce  it  worthless.  It  is  one  of  the  char 
acteristics  of  divine  works  which  God  designed  we  should 
admire.  It  is  a  priceless  boon  wherever  it  is  bestowed. 
Whether  viewed  on  the  wide-extended  landscape,  on  the 


38  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

artist's  canvas,  or  on  the  human  face,  it  captivates  the 
heart.  From  the  humble  violet,  nestling  in  the  waving 
verdure,  to  the  majestic  pine  on  the  mountain-top,  lifting 
high  in  air  his  crown  of  fairest  green,  beauty  is  a  marked 
and  bewitching  quality.  It  has  power  over  the  human 
heart.  And  in  the  human  form,  —  we  cannot  disguise  the 
fact,  construe  it  as  we  may,  —  beauty  exerts  a  powerful  in 
fluence  over  our  natures.  Still,  beauty  should  be  a  minor 
consideration  in  entering  the  marriage  state.  Alone,  it  is 
a  very  trifling  possession.  In  company  with  the  substan 
tial  virtues  it  is  a  prize.  The  following  sentiment  of  the 
poet  contains  the  true  idea  : 

"  Affect  not  to  despise  beauty  ;   no  one  is  freed  from  its  dominion  ; 
But  regard  it  not  a  pearl  of  price  ;  —  it  is  fleeting  as  the  bow  in  the 

clouds. 
If  the  character  within  be  gentle,  it  often  hath  its  index  in  the 

countenance. 
The  soft  smile  of  a  loving  face  is  better  than  splendor  that  fadeth 

quickly."  * 

The  manner  in  which  God  addresses  husbands  upon  this 
subject  is  very  marked.  It  does  not  admit  of  the  addition 
of  another  word  to  enforce  this  duty  of  love.  "  Husbands, 
love  your  wives,  even  as  Christ  also  loved  the  church  and 
gave  himself  for  it.  So  ought  men  to  love  their  wives  as 
their  own  bodies."  Comment  can  add  nothing  to  the  force 
of  this  language.  Christ  loved  the  church  to  that  degree 
that  he  cheerfully  laid  down  his  life  for  it ;  and  so  ought 
husbands  to  love  their  wives.  This  is  the  plain  import  of 

*  Tupper. 


DUTIES   OF   THE    CONJUGAL   RELATION.  89 

the  text.  Were  it  fully  practised  what  tenderness  and 
strength  of  love  would  be  witnessed !  What  scenes  of 
harmony  and  bliss  would  be  presented  !  Husbands  ought 
to  love  their  wives  "  as  their  awn  bodies"  If  the  husband 
"  understands  how  he  treats  himself,  there  need  nothing  be 
added  concerning  his  demeanor  towards  her ;  for  what 
care  does  he  take  of  his  own  body,  and  uses  it  with  a 
delicate  tenderness,  and  cares  for  it  in  all  contingencies, 
and  watches  to  keep  it  from  all  evils,  and  studies  to  make 
'for  it  fair  provisions,  and  is  very  often  led  by  its  inclina 
tions  and  desires,  and  does  never  contradict  its  appetites, 
but  when  they  are  evil,  and  then  also  not  without  some 
trouble  and  sorrow." 

MUTUAL  RESPECT  is  another  duty  of  the  conjugal  rela 
tion.  Every  effort  is  put  forth  to  gain  the  respect  of 
friends  and  neighbors,  while  there  is  very  little  exertion 
between  husbands  and  wives  generally  to  win  each  other's 
respect.  The  latter  is  far  more  important  of  the  two,  and 
yet  receives  the  least  attention.  If  a  man  does  not  respect 
his  wife  he  will  not  be  likely  to  do  much  for  her  happi 
ness.  The  same  is  true  of  the  wife.  Sincere  affection 
will,  indeed,  do  much  by  way  of  concealing  faults,  and 
thus  laying  the  foundation  for  respect,  but  it  will  not  do 
everything.  A  wife  may  render  herself  obnoxious  to  a 
very  loving  husband,  and  vice  versa. 

Do  you  inquire  how  this  respect  shall  be  nurtured  ?  I 
answer,  in  the  language  of  another,  "  If  we  would  be  re 
spected,  we  should  be  respectable."  In  all  circumstances 
of  the  marriage  state  the  conduct  should  be  controlled 
with  reference  to  this  object.  In  small  as  well  as  great 


40  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

things,  in  words  as  well  as  deeds,  there  must  be  a  studied 
endeavor  to  secure  this  result.  "  There  should  be  courtesy 
without  ceremony ;  politeness  without  formality ;  atten 
tion  without  slavery ;  it  should,  in  short,  be  the  tender 
ness  of  love,  supported  by  esteem,  and  guided  by  polite 
ness." 

MUTUAL  COMPANIONSHIP  AND  SYMPATHY  is  another 
important  duty.  I  have  said  before  that  I  have  seen  a 
husband  who  made  no  more  of  his  home  than  he  would  of 
a  boarding-house,  spending  his  evenings,  and  all  other 
leisure  hours,  elsewhere,  and  apparently  depending  more 
upon  the  society  of  others  than  that  of  his  own  wife  for 
enjoyment.  The  truth  is  very  generally  as  follows  :  —  for 
a  season  after  marriage  this  duty  of  COMPANIONSHIP  is  well 
observed ;  but,  by  and  by,  the  husband  risks  a  leisure 
hour  abroad,  and  then  another,  and  another,  until  he  is 
seldom  found  at  home  except  for  "  bed  and  board."  It  is 
painful  to  see  how  small  a  proportion  of  husbands  are 
really  companionable  at  home.  They  may  be  eminently 
so  abroad,  but  not  in  the  company  of  their  wives.  If 
there  for  an  evening,  they  make  no  more  effort  to  be 
entertaining  than  an  article  of  furniture.  They  have 
heard  nor  read  nothing  that  is  worthy  of  being  rehearsed, 
—  never  have  any  news  or  plans  to  make  known,  and 
never  know  anything  when  asked,  —  and  yet,  away  from 
home  are  delightful  companions.  That  the  hurrying,  driv 
ing,  exciting  character  of  the  age  has  somewhat  to  do  with 
this  is  not  denied.  But  such  are  the  facts,  account  for 
them  as  we  may. 

In  a  number  of  the  Merchant's  Magazine  is  a  com- 


DUTIES    OF   THE   CONJUGAL    RELATION.  41 

munication,  headed  "  Complaints  of  a  Merchant's  Wife." 
Tt  may  be  considered  the  complaint  of  other  wives  also. 
It  runs  thus  : 

"  It  seems  to  me,  at  times,  as  if  there  were  no  more  men 
left  in  the  world ;  they  have  all  become  citizens.  Their 
humanity  seems  merged  in  some  presidency  or  secretary 
ship.  They  are  good  trustees,  directors,  cashiers,  bankers, 
but  they  are  very  indifferent  husbands  and  fathers.  They 
are  utterly  without  social  chat ;  they  read  no  pleasant 
books  ;  they  hate  the  sound  of  music  ;  they  visit  nobody ; 
they  scarcely  deign  to  look  at  the  face  of  nature ;  and, 
for  their  unhappy  wives,  they  must  put  up  with  cold  looks 
and  cold  words.  This  is  all  wrong,  gentlemen.  It  is  a 
sad  perversion  of  life ;  it  is  cruelly  unjust  to  us  and  our 
daughters ;  and  it  is  the  too  certain  source  of  deep  and 
lasting  misery  to  those  who  indulge  in  it.  .  .  .1 
bitterly  feel  and  lament  the  want  of  that  sympathy  and 
communion  of  heart,  which  are  so  liberally  promised  us  in 
the  marriage-vow.  Come,  then,  Messrs.  Editors,  to  our 
relief.  Here  is  a  cause  worthy  of  your  pens.  Exhort, 
frighten,  ridicule,  if  you  can,  our  erring  husbands  into  a 
return  to  their  alliance,  and  to  a  more  rational  and  happy 
life." 

No  comments  are  needed  upon  the  above.  It  is  too 
true  to  be  denied.  Hence  the  importance  of  pressing 
this  duty  of  companionship  in  a  work  like  this.  It  is  a 
reasonable,  consistent,  and  very  essential  duty.  It  com 
mends  itself  to  the  conscience  and  heart. 

SYMPATHY  is  necessary  in  order  to  be  companionable. 
The  husband  who  has  no  sympathy  in  his  nature  ought 


42  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

never  to  have  made  such  a  vow  as  he  did  at  the  mar 
riage  altar.  Indeed,  he  ought  never  to  have  become  a 
husband.  There  are  too  many  scenes  and  occasions  in 
married  life  that  demand  its  exercise,  to  excuse  its  ab 
sence.  As  much,  and  more,  may  be  said  of  the  wife.  A 
woman  without  sympathy  is  a  dishonor  to  her  sex ;  she 
must  be  a  rough,  revolting,  unseemly  character. 

It  is  often  true  that  the  trials  of  her  situation  render 
the  wife  an  invalid,  so  that  she  is  partially  disqualified  to 
make  herself  companionable.  She  is  unable  to  do  as  wife 
and  mother  what  she  otherwise  would.  In  her  feebleness 
she  certainly  has  more  claims  upon  the  sympathy  of  her 
husband  than  when  in  health.  Yet,  who  has  not  seen 
men,  making  these  very  circumstances  the  occasion  of 
seeking  social  enjoyment  elsewhere,  and  absenting  them 
selves  from  home,  to  the  no  small  annoyance  of  their  en 
feebled  companions  ?  What  a  lack  of  sympathy  !  What 
a  want  of  aflection  ! 

No  wedded  pair  will  live  long  together  without  finding 
abundant  occasions  to  exercise  this  virtue.  Both  parties 
will  experience  trials  enough  to  demand  its  exercise. 
And  it  is  needed,  too,  in  prosperity  as  really  as  in  adver 
sity.  But  in  sickness,  sorrow,  disappointment,  and  every 
variety  of  trouble,  it  ought  especially  to  be  cherished. 

"  There  's  nought  in  this  bad  world  like  sympathy  ; 

'T  is  so  becoming  to  the  soul  and  face.  — 
Sets  to  soft  music  the  harmonious  sigh, 

And  robes  sweet  friendship  in  a  Brussel's  lace."  * 

*  Byron. 


DUTIES   OF    THE   CONJUGAL   RELATION.  43 

It  is  the  duty  of  husband  and  wife  to  overlook  each 
other's  faults.  Of  course  there  is  a  limit  to  such  counsel 
as  this,  but  its  application  will  be  readily  appreciated. 
However  good  the  married  parties  may  be,  neither  of 
them  are  perfect.  Both  have  faults,  and  time  will  surely 
reveal  them.  If  there  be  not  a  disposition  to  overlook 
and  forgive  these  errors,  they  will  become,  at  once,  a  bone 
of  contention.  It  is  here  that  multitudes  in  the  marriage 
state  fail,  and  part  with  connubial  happiness.  There 
seems  to  be  a  disposition  in  the  human  heart  to  put  the 
worst  construction  upon  a  partner's  faults  ;  while  the  oppo 
site  ought  to  be  the  case.  It  is  the  dictate  of  reason  and 
conscience  that  the  most  favorable  view  of  such  errors 
should  be  instituted.  This  spirit  alone  is  really  humane 
and  Christian.  And  how  beautiful  the  exhibition  !  In 
perfect  harmony  with  the  nature  of  the  conjugal  relation  ! 

"  Forgive  and  forget  !  —  why,  the  world  would  be  lonely, 

The  garden  a  wilderness  left  to  deform, 
If  the  flowers  but  remembered  the  chilling  winds  only, 
And  the  fields  gave  no  verdure  for  fear  of  the  storm."  * 

MUTUAL  COOPERATION  in  all  the  toils  and  responsibilities 
of  the  marriage  state  is  still  another  duty.  It  is  true, 
husband  and  wife  have  each  a  separate  sphere  in  which  to 
act,  and  it  is  necessary  that  they  keep  within  them.  Still, 
this  can  be  done,  while  they  are  careful  to  render  that 
mutual  assistance  which  affection  and  duty  demand. 
There  are  many  ways  in  which  a  faithful  husband  can 

*  Swain. 


44         DUTIES  OF  THE  CONJUGAL  RELATION. 

assist  his  wife  in  her  domestic  duties ;  and  so  a  wife  may 
render  herself  equally  helpful  to  her  husband  in  his  secu 
lar  pursuit. 

Upon  this  subject  Dr.  Humphrey  says,  "  We  see  that, 
wherever  they  are  united  as  husbands  and  wives,  different 
classes  of  duties  may  devolve  upon  them.  God  has  made 
them  so  Their  physical  constitutions  are  in  some  re 
spects  so  different,  that,  to  secure  connubial  harmony,  the 
man  must  keep  within  his  own  allotted  sphere,  and  the 
woman  within  hers,  as  each  of  the  planets  must  move  in 
its  own  orbit,  to  preserve  the  balance  of  the  solar  system. 
The  only  way  to  keep  the  balance  and  maintain  perfect 
harmony  between  them  is  for  Jupiter  and  Venus  to  roll 
on  in  their  respective  celestial  pathways."  The  truth  is 
here  strongly  presented,  yet  it  is  not  at  all  incompatible 
with  mutual  assistance.  Cooperation  does  not  necessarily 
involve  a  meddling,  dictatorial  spirit.  Properly  regarded, 
it  implies  the  reverse. 

As  the  result  of  such  cooperation  there  will  be  MUTUAL 
CONSULTATION,  —  a  duty  which  is  too  generally  neglected. 
It  seems  to  be  usually  conceded  by  the  married  parties 
that  the  wife  shall  control  the  household  affairs,  and  the 
husband  his  secular  business,  without  conferring  with  each 
other.  Men  are  disposed  to  think  that  their  wives  know 
little  about  business,  and  hence  it  is  quite  useless  to  con 
fer  with  them.  On  the  other  hand,  women  are  convinced 
that  men  are  so  ignorant  of  what  appertains  to  their 
domestic  duties,  that  it  would  be  a  waste  of  breath  to 
seek  their  advice.  Hence,  examples  of  mutual  consulta 
tion  in  matrimony  are  exceedingly  rare.  But,  in  opposi- 


DUTIES  OF  THE  CONJUGAL  RELATION.        45 

tion  to  all  such  views  and  feelings,  we  do  not  hesitate  to 
affirm  that,  generally,  husbands  would  be  more  successful 
in  their  business  relations  if  they  consulted  their  wives, 
and  wives  would  more  prosperously  conduct  their  house 
hold  affairs  if  they  conferred  with  their  husbands.  Their 
union  would  certainly  appear  more  harmonious  and 
happy. 

There  are  other  duties  involved  in  the  conjugal  relation 
which  we  have  not  time  nor  space  to  discuss.  A  few  of 
them  are  inseparably  connected  with  those  enumerated, 
and  will  be  readily  understood.  Some  of  them  may  be 
suggested  at  this  point,  and  then  dismissed.  AMIABILITY 

Or     GOOD     TEMPER,     INDUSTRY,     ECONOMY,     CONFIDENCE     and 

MEEKNESS,  are  all  indispensable  to  a  happy  union.  Their 
absence  will  leave  the  relation  open  to  the  inroads  of  a 
fault-finding  and  unamiable  spirit.  They  will,  however, 
quite  naturally  succeed  the  cultivation  of  those  virtues 
already  presented. 

The  subject  ought  not  to  be  dismissed  without  reference 
to  another  and  more  important  topic,  although  it  will  re 
ceive  attention  in  a  subsequent  part  of  the  work.  The 
duties  of  the  conjugal  relation  cannot  be  fully  discharged 
without  the  aids  of  Christianity.  The  parties  must  be 
CHRISTIANS  in  order  to  possess  such  a  spirit  as  will  ensure 
peace  and  joy  until  they  are  separated  by  death.  If  there 
be  a  wedded  couple  who  are  as  happy  in  each  other's 
society  thirty  years  after  their  marriage  as  they  were 
during  the  first  month  of  their  union,  that  couple  will  be 
found  to  be  Christians.  Love  that  is  tried  by  the  vicissi 
tudes  of  successive  years,  and  all  the  while  maintains  its 


46  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

strength  and  purity,  if  it  does  not  actually  increase  in  a 
good  degree,  is  such  as  the  Gospel  of  Christ  regulates  and 
fosters  by  its  regenerating  and  conservative  influence. 
To  any  bridal  pair,  who  are  desirous  of  perpetuating  their 
affection  warm  and  vigorous  as  it  is  now  in  the  morning 
of  wedded  life,  I  would  say,  be  devoted  Christians.  If 
now  you  are  strangers  to  a  saving  interest  in  Christ,  make 
it  your  first  business  to  become  the  true  children  of  God, 
as  the  most  successful  way  to  nurture  and  strengthen 
your  present  attachment.  Religion  contains  not  only  the 
gerrn  of  virtues  that  will  shine  forever  in  the  Paradise 
above,  but  of  all  those  lesser  graces  that  adorn  life 
within  the  domestic  circle.  Says  John  Angell  James,  "  A 
good  Christian  cannot  be  a  bad  husband  and  father  ;  and, 
other  things  being  equal,  he  who  has  most  piety  will 
shine  most  in  all  the  relations  of  life.  A  Bible  placed 
between  man  and  wife  as  the  basis  of  their  union,  the  rule 
of  their  conduct,  and  the  model  of  their  spirit,  will  make 
up  many  a  difference,  comfort  them  under  many  a  cross, 
guide  them  in  many  a  strait  wherein  flesh  and  blood  will 
be  confounded  and  at  a  loss,  support  them  in  their  last 
sad  parting  from  each  other,  and  reunite  them  in  the 
world  where  they  shall  go  no  more  out." 

Perhaps  you,  dear  friends,  are  both  the  disciples  of 
Christ.  If  so,  be  careful  that  you  assist  each  other  in 
your  Christian  course.  In  no  particular  can  you  be  more 
truly  helpmates  than  in  this  regard.  In  none  is  it  more 
important  to  be  mutually  faithful.  In  none  is  it  easier  to 
be  negligent  and  inconsistent.  Beware  that  you  do  not 
hinder  each  other  in  the  way  of  life.  Let  that  beautiful 


DUTIES  OF  THE  CONJUGAL  RELATION.         47 

scene  appear  in  your  earthly  union,  —  two  followers  of 
Christ,  united  by  the  strongest  ties  of  love,  studying  to 
advance  each  other  in  holiness,  that,  at  last,  after  the 
parting  of  earth,  they  may  participate  together  in  the 
closer  communion  of  heaven. 

Perhaps  one  of  you  is  unconverted,  and  the  other  a 
member  of  the  church.  Without  discoursing  upon  the 
right  or  wrong  of  such  a  union,  a  word  of  counsel  will  not 
be  amiss.  Admitting  such  a  union  to  be  wrong,  it  is  now 
too  late  to  retrieve  the  error.  With  yourselves  the  step 
is  taken,  and  what  is  done  cannot  be  undone.  You  must 
now  make  the  best  of  it.  Evil  does  not  necessarily  result 
from  such  a  union.  The  pious  party  does  not  become 
worldly,  and  reproach  religion  in  the  eyes  of  his  or  her 
companion,  because  there  is  no  escape  from  this  melan 
choly  result.  Many  instances  might  be  cited  to  show 
that  Christian  fidelity  has  resulted  in  the  salvation  of  the 
unconverted  party.  All  such  examples  ought  to  lead  the 
Christian  husband  or  wife  to  be  very  faithful  to  the  soul 
of  his  or  her  companion. 

It  is  not  often  true  that  pious  men  marry  unconverted 
females ;  but  the  instances  are  very  numerous  where 
Christian  females  take  worldly  men  for  their  husbands. 
The  Scriptures  appear  to  recognize  this  fact,  and  ten 
der  important  counsels  to  wives  in  such  circumstances. 
They  are  exhorted  to  be  exemplary  disciples  in  all  their 
conduct  before  their  husbands,  "  that  they  may  be  won  by 
the  conversation  of  their  wives,  while  they  behold  your 
chaste  conversation  coupled  with  fear."  Religion  must  be 
happily  illustrated  in  their  lives  if  they  would  win  their 


48  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

partners  to  Christ ;  for  almost  their  only  hope,  apart  from 
the  direct  agency  of  God,  lies  here,  —  in  the  beauty  and 
power  of  a  consistent  and  holy  example.  And,  again, 
here  is  a  very  touching  appeal :  "  What  knowest  thou,  0 
wife,  whether  thou  shalt  save  thy  husband  ?  "  Perhaps 
your  fidelity  will  bring  him  to  the  cross.  What  a  power 
ful  motive  this  !  To  be  instrumental  in  saving  a  husband, 
what  sacrifice  would  a  Christian  wife  not  make  for  this  ! 
Ponder  it,  thou  hopeful  bride,  and  let  the  thought  beget 
the  noblest  aims!  In  the  language  of  Mr.  Jay,  "  Think 
of  happiness,  —  the  honor  that  awaits  you.  What  is  the 
triumph  you  have  acquired  over  him  by  your  charms 
compared  with  the  victory  you  will  obtain  over  him  by 
your  religion  ?  What  pleasure  will  attend  you  the  re 
mainder  of  your  days  !  Now  you  are  '  one  heart  and  one 
mind ; '  now  you  '  take  sweet  counsel  together.'  And  what 
will  be  your  joy  and  crown  of  rejoicing  in  that  day,  when, 
before  assembled  men  and  angels,  he  will  say,  0,  blessed 
be  the  Providence  which  attached  us  in  yonder  world,  and 
has  still  more  perfectly  united  us  in  this !  The  woman 
thou  gavest  to  be  with  me  led  me  not  to  the  tree  of  knowl 
edge  of  good  and  evil,  but  to  the  tree  of  knowledge  which 
is  in  the  midst  of  the  Paradise  of  God." 

We  have  now  considered  the  leading  DUTIES  involved 
in  the  conjugal  relation.  In  a  matrimonial  character, 
formed  after  the  model  described,  the  several  virtues 
appear  as  "  apples  of  gold  in  pictures  of  silver."  A 
single  defect  will  destroy  the  fair  proportion  and  beautiful 
symmetry  of  the  whole.  Here,  as  elsewhere,  "  there  it?  a 
place  for  everything,  and  everything  in  its  place."  Love, 


DUTIES  OF  THE  CONJUGAL  RELATION.        49 

confidence,  forbearance,  attention,  and  kindred  graces, 
must  stand  in  their  respective  relations,  or  some  unhappi- 
ness  will  result  to  the  wedded  pair. 

The  same  is  true  of  everything.  Beauty  itself  loses 
half  its  charms  unless  it  appears  in  company  with  other 
attractions.  The  richest,  most  finished  painting  is  com 
plete  in  all  its  parts.  Not  only  the  tree,  hill  and  shrub 
bery,  must  be  beautiful  in  themselves,  but  the  background 
must  be  executed  with  equal  skill.  Light  and  shade 
must  mingle  there  in  richest  blendings,  or  the  whole 
painting  is  marred.  It  is  beauty  set  in  deformity. 
Thus  nicely-wrought  specimens  of  art  may  lose  a  por 
tion  of  their  attractions  by  appearing  in  company  with 
defects. 

So  with  character.  A  real  excellence  may  be  grouped 
with  such  deformities  as  to  lose  its  lustre  in  part. 
Beauty,  gracefulness,  and  intelligence,  are  a  lovelier  trio 
than  beauty,  awkwardness,  and  ignorance.  So  love,  con 
fidence,  and  forbearance,  are  more  winning  in  the  mar 
riage  state  than  love,  confidence,  and  fretfulness.  Love, 
in  company  with  the  former  virtues,  is  "  an  apple  of  gold 
in  pictures  of  silver." 

For  this  charming  sympathy  of  character  in  the  matri 
monial  state  may  you  strive.  Your  efforts  to  this  end 
will  scatter  blessings  all  along  your  future  pathway. 
Amid  the  trials  and  sad  hours  of  life,  such  a  character 
will  cheer  as  the  bright  bow  upon  the  bosom  of  a  cloud. 
And,  at  the  end  of  life's  journey,  delightful  memories 
will  throng  your  minds,  and  celestial  consolations  fill 
your  hearts. 


50  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

"  From  that  day  forth  in  peace  and  joyous  bliss, 

They  lived  together  long  without  debate  ; 
Nor  private  jars,  nor  spite  of  enemies, 
Could  shake  the  safe  assurance  of  their  state." 

SPENSER. 


DEDICATION 


BRIDAL    HOME. 


III. 

DEDICATION     OP     THE     BRIDAL     HOME. 


HOME  !  No  word  awakens  so  many  associations  as  this, 
and  none  appeals  more  powerfully  to  the  human  heart  in 
all  climes  and  circumstances.  In  every  age  and  nation 
mankind  have  expressed  similar  sentiments,  and  indulged 
kindred  feelings  in  relation  to  it.  However  stinted  in  the 
measure  of  earthly  goods,  it  has  ever  possessed  attrac 
tions  more  powerful  than  those  of  lordly  "  pleasures  and 
palaces."  A  glad  response  has  been  awakened  in  every 
heart  to  the  beautiful  sentiment  of  the  poet : 

"  'Mid  pleasures  and  palaces  though  we  may  roam, 
Be  it  ever  so  humble,  there 's  no  place  like  home."  * 

It  has  a  strong  hold  upon  the  heart  of  the  aged  way 
farer  and  prattling  child.  The  joyous  youth  hails  it  with 
his  heart's  warmest  attachment.  The  weary  traveller 
anticipates  its  clustering  joys,  as  often  as  his  thoughts  turn 
to  it  in  a  far-off  land.  The  exile  consumes  many  tardy 
hours  in  cherishing  its  pleasant  memories.  The  sailor 
forgets  it  not  upon  the  raging  sea.  The  soldier  remem- 

*  Payne. 


54  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

bers  it  fondly  on  the  tented  field.  In  short,  none  are  so 
isolated  in  their  feelings,  or  so  abandoned  to  vice,  as  not 
to  experience,  at  times,  the  power  of  HOME  over  their 
natures. 

A  distinguished  writer  says,  "  Home  is  a  genuine  Saxon 
word ;  a  word  kindred  to  Saxon  speech,  but  with  an 
import  common  to  the  race  of  man.  Perhaps  there  is  no 
other  word  in  language  that  clusters  within  it  so  many 
and  so  stirring  meanings,  that  calls  into  play,  and  power 
fully  excites,  so  many  feelings,  so  many  faculties  of  our 
being.  '  Home,'  —  say  but  the  word,  and  the  child  that 
was  your  merry  guest  begins  to  weep.  '  Home,'  —  play  but 
its  tunes,  and  the  bearded  soldier,  that  blenched  not  in  the 
breach,  droops  and  sickens,  and  dies.  '  Home,'  —  murmur 
but  its  name,  and  memories  start  around  it  that  put  fire 
into  the  brain,  and  affections  that  almost  suffocate  and 
break  the  heart,  and  pictures  that  bewilder  fancy  with 
scenes  in  which  joy  and  sorrow  wrestle  with  delicious  strife 
for  possession  of  the  spirit.  '  Home,' —  what  does  it  not 
stand  for,  of  strongest,  most  moving  associations  !  —  for 
childhood's  grief  and  gladness;  for  youth's  sports,  and 
hopes,  and  sufferings,  and  passions,  and  sins;  for  all 
that  brightened  or  dimmed  the  eyes ;  for  all  that  con 
vulsed  or  tranquillized  the  breast ;  for  a  father's  embrace, 
or  for  his  death-bed ;  for  a  mother's  kiss,  or  for  her  grave  ; 
for  a  sister's  love,  or  a  brother's  friendship ;  for  hours 
wasted,  or  hours  blest ;  for  peace  in  the  light  of  life,  or 
fears  in  the  shadows  of  perdition.  Home,  when  it  is  all 
that  nature  and  grace  can  make  it,  has  a  blessedness  and 


DEDICATION    OF  THE   BRIDAL   HOME.  55 

beauty  of  reality  that  imagination,  in  its  fairest  pictures, 
would  find  nothing  to  excel." 

The  same  writer  drops  such  honeyed  words  that  I  quote 
again.  "  The  sentenced  culprit,  during  even  his  last 
night  on  earth,  must  sleep,  and  perchance  may  dream, 
and  seldom  will  that  dream  be  all  in  the  present  and  in 
prison ;  not  all  of  it,  if  any,  will  be  of  chains  and  blood, 
of  shapeless  terrors,  and  pale-faced  avengers,  of  the  scaf 
fold  and  the  shroud.  Far  other  things  will  be  in  the 
dream.  He  once  was  honest,  and  spent  his  childhood,  it 
may  be,  in  a  rustic  home,  and  grew  to  youth  amidst 
laborious  men,  and  with  simple  nature.  Out  of  imagery 
thus  derived  will  his  dream  be  formed.  In  such  dreams 
will  be  the  green  fields  and  wooded  lane ;  the  boat  sleep 
ing  on  the  stream ;  the  rock  mirrored  in  the  lake ;  the 
shadow  watched  expectingly  from  the  school-room  win 
dow,  as  it  shortens  to  the  noon-tide  hour.  Then  there 
will  be  parents  blessed  in  their  unbroken  circle ;  there 
will  be  young  companions,  laughing  in  their  play  ;  there 
will  be  family-greetings,  thanksgiving  feasts ;  there  will 
be  the  grasp  of  friendship  ;  there  will  be  the  kiss  of  love. 
The  dream  will  not  be  entirely,  if  at  all,  a  dream  of  crime, 
disgrace  and  death ;  it  will  be  one  that  reproduces,  on  the 
brink  of  eternity,  the  freshness  of  emotion,  hope,  and 
desire,  with  which  existence  on  earth  began." 

Remember,  then,  WEDDED  PAIR,  that  you  are  to  make  a 
HOME,  — a  sweet  bower  of  peace  and  joy  in  this  desert 
world,  where  hope  brightens,  and  love  gathers  its  linked, 
confiding  circle  ;  —  a  blissful  retreat  for  jaded  and  weary 
hearts  when  the  busy  world  drives  on  its  votaries  in  the 


56  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

train  of  Mammon  and  pampered  self;  —  a  safe  and  allur 
ing  shelter  for  yourselves  amid  the  vicissitudes  of  life, 
becoming  more  and  more  the  abode  of  peace  and  love  as 
the  world  grows  dark  without,  and  never  more  blessed  and 
precious  than  when  about  to  be  exchanged  for  a  brighter 
home  hereafter. 

You  are  to  make  a  HOME  !  Beware  lest  the  beginning 
of  the  enterprise  germinate  the  seeds  of  discord.  Let  it 
be  dedicated  to  truth,  virtue,  religion,  and  to  God.  Let 
the  first  sun  that  rises  upon  it  behold  whatsoever  is  lovely 
and  of  good  report.  As  is  the  beginning  so  will  be  the 
end.  The  very  first  day,  or  week,  that  you  spend  in  your 
new  residence  may  determine  its  future  character.  Begin 
well  here,  and  you  will  doubtless  end  well.  On  the  other 
hand,  spurn  all  good  advice,  and  enter  your  new  home 
regardless  of  your  moral  obligations,  and  of  those  truths 
and  duties  indispensable  to  a  happy  family,  and  you  may 
confidently  expect  to  reap  a  harvest  of  bitterness  and  sor 
row.  Here  have  been  sowed  the  seeds  of  almost  every 
matrimonial  rupture  that  has  occurred.  A  false  idea,  a 
wrong  principle,  an  evil,  and  even  a  reckless  determina 
tion,  about  duty  and  responsibility  at  this  period  of  life, 
has  been  followed,  often,  with  a  train  of  miseries  too  re 
volting  to  be  described. 

It  is  painful  to  behold  the  number  of  earthly  homes 
from  which  the  last  traces  of  virtue  and  happiness  have 
departed.  In  the  very  morning  of  their  existence,  how 
many  become  the  abodes  of  harpy  passions  and  godless 
demeanor  !  As  if  there  were  no  God  to  serve,  and  no 
salvation  to  work  out,  how  utterly  devoid  are  many  of 


DEDICATION    OF   THE   BRIDAL   HOME.  57 

everything  that  savors  of  religion  !  How  many  begin  and 
end  their  existence  with  no  reference  to  human  accounta 
bility,  and  the  future  world  ! 

I  repeat,  DEDICATE  YOUR  BRIDAL  HOME  TO  GOD.  It  will 
have  a  character  whether  you  choose  or  not.  Give  it  the 
impress  of  religion,  that  its  character  may  be  pure,  and 
then  all  the  influences  which  it  puts  in  circulation  will  be 
salutary. 

Many  seem  strangely  to  infer  that  religion  and  domes 
tic  felicity  are  incompatible  with  each  other,  —  that  the 
home  of  the  Christian  graces  is  devoid  of  that  cheerful 
ness  and  pleasure,  without  which,  life  moves  on  amid  dark 
ling  shadows.  Nothing  can  be  more  distant  from  the 
truth.  A  single  incident  in  the  life  of  our  Saviour  is 
replete  with  instruction  upon  this  subject.  It  is  a  fact 
which  has  probably  been  read  and  discussed  more  than 
almost  any  scene  in  his  eventful  history. 

It  was  the  wedding-scene  in  Cana  of  Galilee.  Christ 
was  an  invited  guest ;  and  his  presence  alone,  with  what 
he  said  and  did,  has  given  a  distinction  to  that  marriage 
beyond  the  nuptials  of  the  proudest  kings  and  queens. 
True,  this  marriage  has  a  place  on  the  sacred  page  in 
order  to  record  the  beginning  of  the  Saviour's  miracles. 
But  then,  if  Christ  began  his  miracles  at  a  wedding,  what 
lesson  may  we  derive  from  the  fact  ?  Surely  this,  —  that 
the  gospel  is  friendly  to  matrimonial  alliances,  and  exerts 
its  power  to  render  them  happy. 

There  was  evidently  design  in  beginning  his  miracles  at 
a  marriage.  It  was  not  mere  accident.  He  might  have 
commenced  them  elsewhere ;  and  it  were  easy  to  suggest 


58  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

some  reasons  for  beginning  them  at  another  time.  But 
he  had  a  mission  to  perform  at  that  time  and  place.  So 
he  went  to  the  wedding,  —  a  cheerful  guest,  —  and  there 
he  converted  water  into  wine.  He  thus  contributed  to 
the  conviviality  and  enjoyment  of  the  occasion.  The  act 
proved  that  Christ  was  interested  in  human  joys,  and  that 
his  religion  was  not  a  foe  to  smiles  and  innocent  delights. 
It  was  not  absolutely  necessary  that  the  water  should  be 
converted  into  wine ;  the  couple  might  have  been  married 
without  such  a  miracle,  and  the  numerous  guests  might 
have  rejoiced  as  sincerely  with  the  wedded  pair.  But, 
regarding  the  customs  of  that  age,  we  are  forced  to  con 
clude  that  the  wonderful  act  contributed  to  the  enjoyment 
of  the  occasion. 

Is  religion,  then,  a  foe  to  connubial  happiness?  Be 
hold  Christ  rejoicing  at  a  nuptial  ceremony  with  those 
who  rejoice ;  as  at  the  grave  of  Lazarus  he  wept  with 
those  who  wept ;  as  if  to  declare  that  his  feeling  heart 
could  respond  to  emotions  of  joy,  as  well  as  to  those  of 
sorrow ;  that,  while  he  came  to  sympathize  with,  and 
save  man,  a  fallen,  ruined,  ungrateful  sinner,  he  recog 
nized  him  to  be  a  social  being,  the  necessary  possessor  of 
hopes  and  joys,  fragile  as  "  things  of  air,"  yet  all  the  more 
precious  for  that !  Yes,  Christ  did  not  always  look  upon 
the  dark  side  of  humanity  and  this  fleeting  world  when  he 
sojourned  in  the  flesh.  He  saw  too  much  in  the  varied 
relations  of  life  that  is  precious,  and  which  his  holy  re 
ligion  might  purify  and  transform  into  celestial  worth  and 
beauty,  to  turn  away  from  the  view  of  human  joys.  And, 
were  he  here  in  person  to-day,  he  would  rejoice  with  you 


DEDICATION   OF   THE   BRIDAL   HOME.  59 

in  this  life-alliance,  and  tell  you  how  to  live  to  render 
your  home  happy.  Yea,  he  would  cheerfully  enter  into 
the  minutiae  of  life's  duties,  and  tell  you  what  words  to 
utter,  what  precepts  to  cherish,  what  principles  to  main 
tain,  how  you  ought  to  treat  each  other,  and  how  you 
should  treat  your  friends  ;  in  short,  he  would  exhibit  the 
deepest  interest  in  all  that  pertains  to  domestic  happiness. 
And  more,  he  would  show,  what  has  always  been  illus 
trated  in  the  progress  of  his  religion,  that  it  not  only 
befriends  the  ties  and  enjoyments  of  married  life,  but 
purifies  and  hallows  them  beyond  all  the  devices  and  arts 
of  human  wisdom  and  affection. 

If  such  a  view  of  Christ  and  his  gospel  were  univer 
sally  enjoyed  it  would  produce  a  wonderful  change  at 
marriage  altars  and  in  bridal  homes !  That  popular 
infidelity  which  lingers  around  the  threshold  of  domestic 
life  would  be  dissipated,  and  all  the  false  views  and  senti 
ments,  relating  to  personal  piety  at  the  fireside,  would  be 
exploded.  Now,  judging  from  observation,  the  belief  is 
quite  common  that  the  presence  of  Christ  at  a  wedding- 
scene  would  spoil  the  pleasure  of  the  occasion.  If  he 
were  now  sojourning  with  us,  he  would  be  the  very  last 
invited  guest  in  a  majority  of  instances ;  and  the  knowl 
edge  of  his  expected  presence  would  deter  multitudes  from 
participating  in  the  nuptial  festivities.  He  would  be  the 
last  visitor  whom  many  a  bridal  pair  would  desire  to  re 
ceive.  They  would  expect  to  bid  adieu  to  cheerfulness, 
ease  and  comfort.  Yet,  the  wedding  party  at  Cana  were 
more  indebted  to  Christ  for  the  enjoyment  of  the  occasion 


60  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

than  to  any  other  guest.  The  reader  cannot  fail  to  per 
ceive  this  point  of  vital  interest. 

Away,  then,  wedded  pair,  with  all  such  false  concep 
tions  of  the  gospel  of  Christ !  Ponder  the  scene  that  we 
have  feebly  portrayed  until  you  are  satisfied  to  welcome 
Christ  to  your  new  residence  as  a  Friend.  Banish  every 
feeling  and  sentiment  that  does  not  honor  religion,  and,  on 
the  first  day  that  you  tarry  in  the  bridal  home,  dedicate  it 
to  the  Lord. 

Among  the  religious  provisions  you  make  for  your 
home  give  the  SABBATH  a  place.  It  is  truly  the  "pearl 
of  days."  Properly  observed,  its  benign  influence  will 
fall  upon  all  other  days  of  the  week  with  a  blessing. 
There  is  no  fact  in  providence  more  clearly  observable 
than  this,  —  the  blessing  of  God  has  rested  upon  those 
who  have  remembered  the  Sabbath  day  to  keep  it  holy. 
Even  if  there  were  no  hereafter  for  which  to  prepare,  no 
account  to  render  at  the  bar  of  God,  it  comes  ladened 
with  temporal  good  to  every  person.  Deprived  of  its 
weekly  visits  you  would  part  with  a  multitude  of  mercies 
for  which  you  now  give  the  day  no  credit.  Your  home 
would  be  less  a  home,  and  your  marriage  less  a  marriage. 

Many  pastors  observe  to  their  grief  that  often  those 
who  were  constant  in  their  attendance  upon  the  means  of 
grace  on  the  Sabbath,  before  their  marriage,  afterwards 
are  frequently  missed  from  the  congregation.  For  some 
reason  public  worship  seems  to  have  less  hold  upon  them. 
They  appear  to  attach  less  importance  to  the  institution. 
Whatever  may  be  the  reason  of  this  change,  it  is  certainly 
a  great  delinquency.  If  two  persons  ever  need  a  Sabbath 


DEDICATION   OF    THE   BRIDAL   HOME.  61 

for  its  hallowing  and  sanctifying  influence,  it  is  when  they 
dedicate  their  bridal  home,  and  thus  prepare  the  way  for 
a  rising  family.  If  they  discard  it,  then  nothing  less  than 
the  sovereign  grace  of  God  will  ever  lead  them  to  ask  for 
its  return. 

Decide  in  the  commencement,  —  WE  WILL  HAVE  A  SAB 
BATH.  Let  it  be  a  settled  principle  with  you  to  visit  the 
sanctuary  both  parts  of  the  day  unless  Divine  Providence 
hinders.  Never  allow  a  trivial  excuse  to  detain  you. 
Endeavor  to  realize  that  the  habit  has  much  to  do  with 
the  character  of  your  home,  as  well  as  with  your  own 
characters.  Yes,  it  certainly  will  leave  its  impress  upon 
your  own  characters.  You  will  be  mutually  better  and 
happier  for  it.  Friends  will  love  you  more,  and  the  favor 
of  God  will  rest  upon  you. 

To  test  your  own  feelings  upon  this  subject  permit  me 
to  present  before  you  two  couples,  married  about  the  same 
time,  and  in  similar  circumstances  in  regard  to  worldly 
possessions.  The  first  entered  upon  the  duties  of  domestic 
life  with  as  much  reason  to  recognize  God  as  any  other 
wedded  pair.  Yet  God  was  not  in  all  their  thoughts. 
The  Sabbath  was  to  them,  indeed,  a  rest  from  toil,  but  it 
was  devoted  to  pleasure.  They  did  not  go  to  the  house 
of  God,  nor  look  with  approbation  upon  religious  enter 
prises.  Light,  pernicious  reading,  magazines,  newspapers, 
and  novels,  occupied  much  of  their  time  on  this  holy  day. 
Visitors  were  frequently  received,  and  visits  as  frequently 
made.  Rides  and  walks  for  pleasure  were  unscrupu 
lously  enjoyed.  And  thus  the  Sabbath  was  not  only  dese 
crated,  but  absolutely  made  a  day  of  more  frivolity  and 


62  PASTOR'S  WEDDNG  GIFT. 

sin  than  any  other  day  of  the  week.  Nor  is  this  an  iso 
lated  case.  There  are  multitudes  of  just  such  examples 
even  in  the  most  enlightened  and  Christian  communities. 

The  other  couple  (I  remember  them  well,  —  strongly 
attached  to  each  other,  and  recognizing  their  accountabil 
ity  to  God)  dedicated  their  new  home  to  Christ.  The 
Sabbath  was  to  them  a  day  of  religious  services.  Nothing 
but  the  absolute  intervention  of  Providence  detained  them 
from  the  sanctuary.  They  were  always  seen  in  their  seats, 
and  their  very  demeanor  was  evidence  of  their  thoughtful- 
ness  and  reverence  for  God.  At  home,  the  day  was 
sacredly  kept.  The  Scriptures  and  religious  books  were 
the  only  volumes  perused ;  and,  as  they  never  thought  of 
visiting  upon  this  day,  so  others  never  proposed  to  visit 
them ;  and  as  for  rides  and  walks  for  pleasure,  the 
thought  of  engaging  in  them  was  never  indulged  for  a 
moment.  I  need  not  add  that  they  were  highly  respected, 
and  that  their  influence  was  of  the  most  marked  and 
salutary  character. 

The  two  pictures  are  before  you.  They  speak  for 
themselves.  Which  is  the  more  worthy  of  imitation, 
which  is  the  more  lovely  and  beautiful,  which  is  the  more 
compatible  with  the  relations  of  immortal  and  account 
able  beings,  your  better  judgment  will  readily  decide. 

Then,  make  the  latter  portrait  your  pattern  and  guide 
in  regard  to  the  observance  of  the  Sabbath.  All  your 
interests  connubial,  social,  moral,  temporal  and  eternal, 
demand  it.  It  will  be  better  for  you  and  your  friends, 
better  for  society  and  the  world  j  for  it  will  contribute 


DEDICATION    OF   THE   BRIDAL   HOME.  63 

essentially  to  the  general  cause  of  virtue.   And  it  becomes 
accountable  beings  to  remember  that 

"  The  only  amaranthine  flower  on  earth 
Is  virtue  ;  the  only  lasting  treasure,  truth."  * 

Your  home  will  not  be  thoroughly  furnished  without 
the  BIBLE  occupies  a  prominent  place.  It  is  impossible 
to  find  a  prosperous  and  happy  home  where  the  Bible  is 
not.  Observation  in  any  community  will  reveal  the  fact 
that  families  are  blest  just  in  proportion  to  their  regard 
for  the  word  of  God.  Even  where  it  is  nominally  received 
and  exalted,  but  lies  "  a  dead  letter  "  upon  the  shelf,  there 
is  found  little  or  none  of  that  moral  thrift  and  beauty 
which  a  sincere  study  of  its  truths  is  sure  to  beget. 

The  Bible,  then,  has  a  prominent  claim  upon  your 
regard  as  a  book  of  frequent  reference  and  study.  You 
will  need,  at  all  times,  its  wholesome  moral  and  religious 
counsels.  You  will  never  find  yourselves  in  circumstances 
where  you  can  safely  abandon  its  guiding  light.  In  pros 
perity  it  will  prove  a  prudent  and  wise  Telemachiu,  re 
minding  you  of  the  goodness  of  him  who  blesses  you  with 
his  bounties,  and  checking  those  desires  and  emotions  that 
are  prone  to  run  wild  amid  the  smiles  of  worldly  fortune. 

You  would  highly  value  a  book  that  might  contain 
important  hints  and  lessons  relating  to  your  daily  pursuit. 
Men  have  their  guides  in  the  various  trades  and  mechanic 
arts,  as  well  as  in  the  matter  of  domestic  economy. 
Scarcely  a  wife  thinks  of  pursuing  her  housekeeping 

*  Cowper. 


64  PASTOK'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

duties  without  a  manual  to  instruct  her  in  the  culinary 
art.  But  the  moral  and  religious  duties  which  you  owe 
to  each  other,  and  those  around  you,  are  infinitely  more 
important  than  all  that  pertains  to  mere  secular  and 
domestic  arrangements.  And  here  the  Bible  is  presented 
as  a  manual  in  the  moral  department  of  your  home.  No 
other  book  is  like  it.  Among  the  countless  number  of 
volumes  that  are  thrown  off  from  an  over-burdened  press, 
from  year  to  year,  it  has  no  competitor.  It  contains 
lessons  of  wisdom  for  every  relation  of  the  family,  and  for 
every  circumstance  and  condition  of  married  life.  It  has 
lessons  for  the  husband  and  wife,  for  parent  and  child. 
No  duty  will  arise  in  your  matrimonial  connection  upon 
which  it  will  not  shed  light.  You  can  imagine  no  per 
plexing  or  afflictive  scenes  for  which  it  is  not  competent 
to  instruct  or  console.  And,  with  it  in  your  hands,  you 
can  never  be  excused  for  a  breach  of  your  plighted  vow 
on  the  ground  that  instruction  is  wanting. 

And,  yet  more,  unless  Providence  metes  out  an  unusual 
experience  to  you,  the  season  of  trial  and  sorrow  will 
come.  Somewhere  in  the  future  there  is  doubtless  a  sad 
hour,  and  a  bitter  cup  for  you.  Earthly  ties  are  very 
dear,  and  as  frail  as  they  are  dear ;  and  where  they  are 
not  sundered,  their  very  existence  is  often  necessarily 
attended  with  great  trials.  For  such  an  hour  the  Bible 
is  an  indispensable  counsellor.  Its  words  of  encourage 
ment  and  solace  are  full  and  ample.  In  the  death-hour, 
especially,  when  the  nuptial  bonds,  so  dear  beyond  the 
power  of  language  to  describe,  are  about  to  be  broken,  its 
precious  hopes  and  promises  your  sinking  natures  will 


DEDICATION    OF    THE   BRIDAL   HOME.  65 

require.  0,  cherish  it  for  that  season,  and  your  last 
hours  will  be  joyous  and  seraphic  as  those  of  sainted 
worthies  already  passed  to  their  reward  !  Baxter  ex 
claimed,  in  his  expiring  moments,  "  I  am  almost  well !  " 
Owen  raised  his  hand,  and  said  to  a  friend,  "  0,  brother, 
the  long-looked-for  day  is  come  at  last,  in  which  I  shall 
see  the  glory  of  Christ  in  another  manner  than  I  have 
ever  yet  done  !  "  Evarts  shouted,  " Glory !  Jesus  reigns ! " 
and  closed  his  eyes  in  death.  Payson  exclaimed,  in  his 
conflict  with  the  last  enemy,  "  The  battle  is  fought !  the 
battle  is  fought !  and  the  victory  is  won  forever  !  "  In 
deed,  I  have  just  returned  from  the  death-bed  of  a  young 
and  excellent  wife  and  mother,  who  said,  as  she  lifted  her 
eyes  to  greet  me,  "  I  am  almost  home !  I  am  almost 
home ! " 

Cherish  the  Bible  as  fondly  as  did  these  departed 
saints,  and  your  home  will  be  bright  and  joyous  in  the 
darkest  hour  of  sorrow,  and  your  last  end  will  be  peace. 

"  Star  of  Eternity  !  the  only  star 
By  which  the  bark  of  man  could  navigate 
The  sea  of  life,  and  gain  the  shores  of  bliss 
Securely  !  only  star  which  rose  on  time, 
And  on  its  dark  and  troubled  billows,  still 
As  generation,  drifting  swiftly  by, 
Succeeded  generation,  threw  a  ray 
Of  heaven's  own  light,  and  to  the  hills  of  God, 
The  eternal  hills,  pointed  the  sinner's  eye."  * 

In  dedicating  your  bridal  home  to  God,  PRAYER  is  indis 
pensable.  Morning  and  evening,  at  least,  the  incense  of 

*  Pollok. 


66  PASTOK'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

grateful  and  loving  hearts  ought  to  ascend  to  God.  It  is 
not  only  a  great  privilege,  but  it  is  more,  —  an  imperative 
DUTY.  God  expects  to  be  thus  recognized  as  the  "  giver 
of  every  good  and  perfect  gift."  Your  relations,  as  de 
pendent  beings,  render  the  act  peculiarly  appropriate. 
To  live  as  a  large  majority  of  wedded  couples  do,  with 
scarcely  any  recognition  of  an  overruling  Providence,  is 
inconsistent  with  all  our  natural  relations. 

That  prayer  is  attended  with  marked  benefits  to  the 
family,  must  be  admitted  without  accumulated  proof. 
From  its  nature  alone  we  should  infer  that  it  must  have 
a  salutary  influence  upon  all  who  engage  in  the  exercise. 
The  husband,  who  sincerely  brings  his  family  to  the  throne 
of  grace  in  observance  of  this  rite,  must  be  a  better  hus 
band  ;  and  his  wife,  sincerely  uniting  with  him,  must  be  a 
better  wife.  If  they  have  children  and  domestics,  the 
influence  upon  them  must  be  very  marked  and  beneficial. 
It  must  allay  the  heat  of  passion,  soften  the  asperities  of 
temper,  and  regulate  those  desires,  which,  unrestrained, 
introduce  discord  and  misery  into  the  household.  It  must 
sweeten  the  disposition,  cultivate  amiability,  and  beget  a 
forgiving  spirit,  all  of  which  is  indispensable  to  a  peaceful 
home. 

Dr.  Alexander  says,  of  this  family  rite,  "  Nothing  tends 
so  directly  to  break  a  channel  for  right  influences,  as  the 
regular  and  faithful  observance  of  domestic  worship.  A 
word  fitly  spoken,  at  such  a  time,  is  an  apple  of  gold.  A 
psalm,  rightly  chosen,  and  sung  with  the  spirit  and  under 
standing,  may  bear  up  all  hearts  to  God.  A  prayer,  '  in 
the  Holy  Ghost,'  though  issuing  from  one  who  has  not  the 


DEDICATION    OF   THE   BRIDAL   HOME.  67 

lips  of  the  eloquent,  may  go  more  deeply  into  the  soul  of 
the  prodigal  son,  or  the  careless  neighbor,  than  all  the 
sermons  of  the  year.  These  are  influences  which  are 
undervalued,  because  they  are  not  singly  powerful,  yet 
when  constant  they  are  mighty ;  they  drop  as  the  rain, 
and  distil  as  the  dew,  '  as  the  small  rain  upon  the  tender 
herb,  and  as  the  showers  upon  the  grass.'  In  the  day  of 
judgment  and  revelation,  it  will  perhaps  appear,  in  the 
case  of  many,  that  they  have  owed  more  in  regard  of  indi 
vidual  piety  to  the  operation  of  family  religion,  than  to 
any  single  class  of  causes." 

Above  all  the  considerations  presented  is  another  more 
important.  Prayer  has  power  with  God.  His  answering 
mercies  descend  upon  the  faithful  suppliant,  and  upon 
those  who  are  the  subjects  of  his  petitions.  It  is  also  a 
relief  and  source  of  comfort  amid  the  cares,  doubts,  anxie 
ties,  pains  and  sorrows  of  life. 

"  Prayer  is  the  golden  key  that  can  open  the  wicket  of  Mercy  ; 
Prayer  is  the  slender  nerve  that  moveth  the  muscles  of  Omnipo 
tence. 

Wherefore,  pray,  0  creature,  for  many  and  great  are  thy  wants  : 
Thy  mind,  thy  conscience,  and  thy  being,  thy  rights  commend  thee 

unto  prayer, 

The  cure  of  all  cures,  the  grand  panacea  of  all  pains, 
Doubt's  destroyer,  ruin's  remedy,  the  antidote  to  all  anxieties  !  "  * 

Perhaps,  in  answer  to  all  that  has  been  urged  upon 
your  attention,  you  will  say,  "  We  are  not  religious ;  we 
do  not  profess  to  be  Christians."  And  what  if  you  are 

*  Tapper. 


68  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

not  the  professed  followers  of  Christ  ?  The  truths  pre 
sented  have  a  claim  upon  all  mankind.  It  is  the  duty  of 
all,  saints  or  sinners,  to  keep  the  Sabbath,  cherish  the 
Bible,  and  maintain  daily  prayer.  If  any  persons  are  not 
prepared  for  these  duties,  by  a  consecration  of  themselves 
to  God,  it  is  their  duty  to  yield  their  hearts  at  once  to 
Christ,  that  they  may  be  prepared  to  meet  these  obliga 
tions.  You  may  not  be  the  avowed  friends  of  Christ,  but 
ought  you  not  to  be  ?  You  may  not  have  a  heart  to  pray, 
but  ought  you  not  to  have  such  a  heart  ?  Then  the  path  of 
duty  is  plain ;  and  that  is  the  only  path  of  wisdom  and  peace. 

But,  though  you  are  not  Christians,  you  doubtless  de 
sire  to  be  moral,  and  lend  your  example  and  influence  to 
the  common  cause  of  virtue.  Even  this  cannot  be  done 
without  a  Sabbath  and  Bible.  Trample  upon  the  former, 
and  reject  the  latter,  and  you  cannot  be  even  moral.  So 
that,  after  making  all  due  allowance  for  speaking  to  you 
in  the  foregoing  as  if  you  were  the  children  of  God,  the 
sentiments  advanced  are  still,  in  the  main,  applicable  to 
yourselves.  You  have  a  home,  and  you  are  obligated  to 
make  it  a  happy  home  if  possible.  Hence,  if  the  duties 
discussed,  relating  to  the  Sabbath,  Bible  and  prayer,  are 
essential  to  this  end,  I  see  not  how  you  can  elude  the  drift 
of  all  that  has  been  said. 

If  you  practise  upon  the  foregoing  counsels,  and  thus 
impart  a  religious  character  to  your  home,  it  will  become 
to  you  and  yours  as  a  "  green  sheltered  islet  amid  the 
great  waves  of  an  unquiet  world."  Wherever  religion  is 
allowed  to  diffuse  itself,  it  purifies,  and  causes  beauty  and 
loveliness  to  put  forth  as  the  first  flowers  of  spring.  It 


DEDICATION    OF   THE   BRIDAL    HOME.  69 

does  not  nip  the  sweet  amiabilities  and  graces  of  loving 
natures,  as  the  early  frost  nips  the  blossoms  of  September, 
but  gradually  unfolds  their  charms  to  the  view  of  increas 
ing  admirers.  What  is  beautiful  in  the  human  heart 
religion  makes  more  beautiful ;  what  is  innocent  and  de 
lightful  it  embalms,  after  adding  essentially  to  its  attrac 
tions.  Thus  it  may  be  with  your  bridal  home.  Allow 
the  presence  of  this  celestial  messenger  to  hallow  it,  and 
you  will  never  regret  the  act  to  the  day  of  your  death. 

To  both  of  you,  home  should  ever  be  the  centre  of 
attraction ;  and  a  due  regard  to  the  truths  and  principles 
discussed  will  surely  make  it  so.  Your  aims,  plans  and 
deeds,  ought  to  point  to  this  desirable  object.  It  is  the 
sphere  in  which  God  evidently  designs  that  you  should 
render  yourselves  useful,  and  contribute  to  the  general 
good  of  society.  I  doubt  if  you,  or  any  other  persons, 
can  do  so  much  for  society  by  the  more  noisy  and  public 
agencies  of  good,  as  you  can  in  the  family  circle.  Every 
model  home  leaves  its  mark  upon  the  world.  All  the 
influences  emanating  from  it  are  of  the  most  exalted  and 
salutary  character.  It  sends  forth  good  citizens  to  sustain 
order  and  virtue.  It  is  friendly  to  good  government  and 
good  institutions.  It  contributes  to  the  strength  and 
perpetuity  of  church  and  state.  Hence,  the  most  success 
ful  way  for  you  to  increase  your  usefulness  may  be  to 
make  home  the  great  centre  of  attraction.  Though  duty 
and  business  may  necessarily  demand  the  frequent  absence 
of  the  husband  from  it,  yet,  all  the. aims  and  enterprises 
of  life  centring  here,  it  will  never  lose  its  high  place  in 
the  affections.  Live  for  home.  Labor  for  home.  Plan 


70  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

for  home.  Next  to  supreme  love  to  God,  let  its  claims 
lie  upon  your  hearts. 

Here  it  should  be  renlarked  that  the  peculiarities  of 
the  present  age  are  inimical  to  a  model  home.  There  is 
much  in  society  to  wean  the'  husband,  especially,  from  this 
little  realm.  There  is  excitement  and  hurry  in  almost 
every  pursuit.  As  another  has  said,  "  The  former  sys 
tems  of  regularity  and  stability  are  broken  up,  and  the 
people  not  only  travel  by  steam,  and  send  their  thoughts 
to  their  distant  friends  on  the  wings  of  the  lightning,  but 
the  whole  routine  of  life  is  performed  in.  the  same  hurried 
manner.  The  notions  and  habits  of  the  past  generation 
are  too  staid  and  too  slow  to  suit  the  fiery  spirit  of  the 
present  day.  Men  are  not  contented  to  grow  rich,  to 
grow  in  wisdom,  and  scarcely  in  stature,  but  they  must 
jump  from  poverty  into  princely  wealth,  from  a  state  of 
ignorance  into  men  of  great  learning,  and  from  a  child 
in  leading-strings  into  a  full-grown  man."  In  such  a 
state  of  things  home  is  likely  to  be  more  or  less  neglected, 
and  much  of  its  wholesome  and  needful  power  is  lost. 

Also,  there  is  connected  with  this  state  of  things  an 
other  development,  viz.,  married  couples  appear  to  be 
toiling,  not  for  a  present,  but  a  future,  ideal  home.  Mul 
titudes  are  not  at  all  satisfied  with  present  materials  for 
making  a  happy  home,  and,  indeed,  many  seem  to  enter 
the  marriage  state  under  the  conviction  that  their  home 
will  not,  and  cannot  be,  what  they  desire  until  certain 
anticipated  objects  are  secured.  The  home  which  they 
possess  at  the  commencement  of  wedded  life  is  not  such 
an  one  as  satisfies  their  desires ;  and  they  have  no  inten- 


DEDICATION   OF   THE   BRIDAL   HOME.  71 

tion  of  being  satisfied  with  it.  More  property,  ampler 
accommodations,  additional  style  and  luxury,  these  and 
kindred  things  are  expected  before  they  can  really  set 
about  making  a  model  home.  Scarcely  any  views  can 
be  more  destructive  to  matrimonial  happiness  than  these. 
If  a  couple  cannot  be  satisfied  with  their  home  at  the 
beginning  of  married  life,  they  probably  never  will  be. 
Something  is  wrong.  They  do  not  love  home  for  the  sake 
of  those  who  dwell  therein,  and  this  is  enough  to  embitter 
the  whole  of  life. 

Let  xme  reiterate,  bridal  pair,  these  needful  counsels. 
Welcome.  Christ  to  your  home.  Let  the  gospel  hallow  it. 
Make  it  the  centre  of  hope  and  joy.  Live  for  it.  Be 
content  with  the  home  that  you  now  have,  and  not  wait 
for  one  you  may  never  possess.  A  hovel  may  be  a  happy 
home  to  those  who  truly  love  each  other. 

There  is  a  brighter  HOME  than  that  of  earth.  Eye 
hath  not  seen,  nor  the  heart  of  man  conceived,  the  glories 
which  fill  that  blest  abode.  It  is  the  resort  of  happy, 
holy  spirits.  It  is  loved  for  its  own  sake.  No  ransomed 
soul  anticipates  a  fairer  mansion.  There  is  no  sickness 
.there.  Sorrow  and  weeping  never  invade  the  peaceful 
circle.  Its  joys  never  cease.  Its  hopes  never  die.  The 
union  is  eternal. 

MAY  YOUR  EARTHLY  BE  EXCHANGED  AT  DEATH  FOK  A 
HEAVENLY  HOME  ! 

"  0,  talk  to  me  of  heaven  !     I  love 
To  hear  about  my  home  above  ; 
For  there  doth  many  a  loved  one  dwell 
In  light  and  joy  ineffable. 


72  DEDICATION    OP    THE   BRIDAL   HOME. 

0,  tell  me  how  they  shine  and  sing, 
While  every  harp  rings  echoing, 
And  every  glad  and  tearless  eye 
Beams  like  the  bright  sun  gloriously  ! 
Tell  me  of  that  victorious  palm 

Each  hand. in  glory  beareth  ; 
Tell  me  of  that  celestial  calm 

Each  face  in  glory  weareth  !  " 


LAST  WORDS 


THE    BRIDAL    PAIR 


IV. 

LAST    WORDS     WITH     THE     BRIDAL     PAIR. 


BEFORE  we  close  this  interview,  dear  friends,  let  us 
gather  up  the  thoughts  that  cluster  about  the  conclusion 
of  such  an  important  subject.  You  must  be  persuaded, 
from  the  foregoing,  that  you  have  entered  into  no  trifling 
alliance.  You  must  feel  that  the  most  important  act  of 
your  lives  is  this  which  has  united  your  destinies.  And, 
also,  you  can  but  know  that  your  HEART-HOPES  will  be 
realized  or  dashed,  according  as  you  discharge  mutual 
duties.  Now,  these  hopes  are  many  and  bright,  and  no 
merciless  decree  of  Jehovah  dooms  them  to  disappoint 
ment.  If  they  perish  with  the  flight  of  years,  it  will  be 
solely  on  account  of  failure  on  your  part.  Some  want 
of  fidelity  will  be  the  cause  of  the  sad  result. 

HOPE  is  now  the  very  life  and  soul  of  your  felicity.  It 
is  delightful  to  hope,  and  we  are  daily  "  hoping  on,  hoping 
ever." 

"  Hidden,  and  deep,  and  never  dry, 

Or  flowing  or  at  rest, 
A  living  spring  of  hope  doth  lie 

In  every  human  breast."  * 

*  Mrs.  Wells. 


76  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

But  you  must  fuel,  after  all  that  has  been  said,  that 
heart-hopes  need  to  be  tenderly  cherished.  They  should 
be  dealt  with  as  angel-visitants,  carefully  entreating  them, 
lest  they  be  put  to  flight.  Hopes  dashed  are  as  fruitful 
of  anguish  as  hopes  realized  are  full  of  bliss.  All  great 
blessings  leave  a  deep  void  and  bitter  regrets  when  they 
are  sacrificed.  Learn  a  valuable  lesson  from  this. 

Goldsmith  penned  the  following  beautiful  lines  : 

"  Aromatic  plants  bestow 
No  spicy  fragrance  while  they  grow  ; 
But,  crushed  or  trodden  to  the  ground, 
Diffuse  their  balmy  sweets  around." 

Thus  let  it  prove  with  your  earthly  hopes.  May  they 
be  so  cherished  and  regarded  as  to  "  diffuse  their  balmy 
sweets  "  even  when  "  crushed  "  by  disappointment. 

In  the  foregoing  we  have  employed  some  familiar  terms 
that  possess  peculiar  significance,  and  their  meaning  is  not 
fully  appreciated.  They  have  a  claim  upon  your  atten 
tion  at  this  time. 

"HELP-MEET."  If  the  full,  rich  meaning  of  this  term 
should  be  practically  illustrated  in  your  matrimonial  life, 
there  would  be  such  a  bearing  of  each  other's  burdens  as 
hope  only  can  depict.  You  would  be  assistants  to  each 
other  in  the  highest  import  of  the  word.  "  Help-meet !  " 
In  joy  and  sorrow  delighting  to  share  the  allotment  with 
each  other !  In  toils  and  cares  colaborers  together,  work 
ing  with  one  mind  and  heart  for  the  same  end !  At  all 
times  anticipating  mutual  wants,  and  cheerfully  rendering 
mutual  aid !  Shoulder  to  shoulder,  heart  with  heart, 
hand  in  hand,  thus  pursuing  the  devious  path  of  life  ! 


LAST   WORDS   WITH    THE    BRIDAL   PAIR.  77 

Ponder  it,  bridegroom !  there  is  deep  meaning  in  this 
term  that  drops  so  often  from  "  thoughtless  tongues." 
Your  chosen  wife  is  an  assistant,  not  a  doll,  or  mere 
household  servant  and  drudge.  Your  assistant  in  all  the 
"affairs  "of  home  and  business.  Thus  it  is  with  your 
husband,  bride !  You  have  somewhat  to  do,  and  he  was 
given  you  to  aid,  —  not  to  toil  and  accumulate  wealth  that 
you  may  lounge  on  splendid  tapestry. 

"  HELP-MEET  !  "  A  sympathizer,  counsellor,  monitor, 
co-worker,  armor-bearer,  assistant. 

"ONE!"  "They  twain  shall  be  one  flesh."  In  all 
their  hopes  and  interests  to  be  identified  with  each  other, 
—  duality  in  unity  !  Two  in  the  material,  yet  one  in  the 
unseen  and  spiritual !  This  is  the  great  mystery  of  mar 
ried  life,  —  the  doctrine  of  duality  in  unity,  two  in  one. 
It  is  also  the  great  central  truth  of  matrimony,  around 
which  all  others  revolve,  and  without  which  they  are 
thrown  into  terrible  disorder,  and  avail  nothing.  In  this 
connection  there  is  peculiar  force  in  this  little  word, 
"  ONE."  Here  it  possesses  a  power  of  combining,  uniting, 
and  almost  transfusing,  such  as  it  has  in  no  other  rela 
tion. 

When  we  consider  what  trifling  occurrences  have  often 
alienated  husband  and  wife,  it  appears  to  be  a  more  diffi 
cult  and  serious  matter  to  be  "  one."  Alas,  for  the 
deception  of  the  human  heart,  and  the  frailty  of  human 
nature !  At  this  very  point  these  two  facts  are  developed 
in  the  most  humbling  manner. 

"  ONE  ! "  It  is  the  opposite  of  all  unkindness  and 
jealousy,  and  the  absence  of  even  unloving  thoughts  and 


78  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

emotions.  It  is  a  blending  of  interests  and  purposes  in 
the  great  errand  of  life.  It  is  two  currents  of  affection 
running  into  each  other, — two  hearts  "  like  kindred  drops 
mingling  into  one." 

"  One !  "  No  union  can  be  more  complete  than  this. 
It  is  impossible  for  even  imagination  to  conceive  of  a 
relation  more  intimate.  And  when  we  reflect  that  this 
oneness  of  spirit  once  disturbed  can  never  again  be  per 
fectly  adjusted,  it  becomes  a  matter  of  transcendant 
interest. 

"  If  the  love  of  the  heart  is  blighted,  it  buddeth  not  again  ; 
If  that  pleasant  song  is  forgotten,  it  is  to  be  learnt  no  more." 

1  Often  ask  yourselves,  Are  we  one  ?  As  you  go  forth 
from  the  hymeneal  altar  you  may  feel  and  know  that  you 
are  one.  But,  as  weeks  and  months  pass  away,  and  cares 
and  perplexities  multiply,  let  the  inquiry  frequently  be 
made,  Are  we  one  ?  Strive  to  realize  the  delightful  and 
yet  serious  meaning  that  is  wrapped  up  in  this  little  word. 
Ever  may  the  following  lines  be  illustrated  in  your  experi 
ence  : 

"  Then  come  the  wild  weather,  —  come  sleet  or  come  snow, — 
We  will  stand  by  each  other,  however  it  blow  ; 
Oppression,  and  sickness,  and  sorrow  and  pain, 
Shall  be  to  our  true  love  as  links  to  the  chain."  * 

From  this  time  you  will  go  on  learning  each  other's 

characters.     As  yet  you  are  comparative  strangers   to 

each  other's  weaknesses.     During  the  period  of  courtship 

there  is  little  opportunity  to  learn  what  a  person's  real 

*  Longfellow. 


LAST    WORDS    WITH   THE   BRIDAL   PAIR.  79 

virtues  or  frailties  are.  The  parties  usually  appear  in 
their  best  trim  as  to  manners  and  acquirements.  Another 
has  said,  "  They  put  on  false  characters.  They  assume 
airs  not  their  own.  They  shine  in  borrowed  plumes. 
They  practise  every  species  of  deception  for  the  conceal 
ment  of  their  real  characters.  They  study  to  appear 
better  than  they  are.  They  seek,  by  the  adornments  of 
dress  and  gems,  by  the  blandishments  of  art  and  manner, 
by  the  allurement  of  smiles  and  honeyed  words,  by  the 
fascination  of  pleasure  and  scenes  of  excitement,  to  add 
unreal,  unpossessed  charms  to  their  persons  and  char 
acters.  They  appear  in  each  other's  society  to  be  the 
embodiment  of  goodness  and  sweetness,  the  personification 
of  lofty  principle  and  holy  love,  when,  in  fact,  they  are 
full  of  human  weaknesses  and  frailties." 

There  is  too  much  truth  in  the  above  remarks.  And. 
hence,  it  is  generally  the  fact  that  both  bride  and  bride 
groom  are  imperfectly  acquainted  with  each  other.  At 
any  rate,  they  are  not  familiar  with  one  another's  frailties. 
These  have  been  so  hidden  by  airs  and  blandishments  as 
not  to  be  discovered.  Not  until  the  aim  and  art  to  please 
are  forgotten  amid  the  stern  realities  of  wedded  life  do 
they  begin  to  develop  themselves.  In  circumstances  of 
perplexity  and  trial  there  is  a  fine  opportunity  for  their 
disclosure.  In  the  domestic  circle,  when  familiarity  has 
reached  its  maximum,  there  is  little  or  no  restraint,  and 
the  true  character  appears.  It  is  not  till  then  that  the 
wedded  parties  usually  know  each  other  beyond  a  doubt. 

Thus  may  it  be  with  yourselves ;  and  you  do  well  to  be 
prepared  for  the  revelations  promised.  Come  the  dis- 


80  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GUT. 

closures  will,  sooner  or  later,  and  it  is  the  part  of  wisdom 
to  make  the  best  of  them.  It  will  be  too  late  then  to 
remedy  the  evil  in  another  way  than  bearing  with  it. 
The  exercise  of  some  of  the  graces  before  discussed  will 
then  be  required  as  the  only  remedial  policy. 

Realize  that  you  will  have  need,  if  death  does  not 
separate  you  for  many  years,  of  all  the  counsels  contained 
in  this  humble  volume.  As  you  learn  more  and  more  of 
each  other,  you  will  appreciate,  with  greater  accuracy,  the 
mutual  duties  of  the  conjugal  relation  before  discussed. 

If  you  endeavor  to  please  each  other  with  as  much 
study  and  care  as  you  did  during  your  courtship,  there  is 
little  fear  that  your  union  will  be  unhappy.  It  is  often 
true,  however,  that  when  the  parties  enter  the  marriage 
state  they  conclude  it  is  no  longer  necessary  to  make  this 
effort.  The  bird  is  caught,  and,  bait  or  no  bait,  there  is 
no  escape.  There  is  a  fatal  mistake  here.  There  is 
greater  need  of  this  effort  to  please  after  than  before 
marriage.  More  is  depending  upon  it.  Yea,  the  happi 
ness  of  the  entire  wedded  life  is  determined  by  it.  If  the 
husband  is  more  studious  to  please  any  and  everybody 
else  than  his  own  wife,  and  she,  also,  is  inclined  to  the 
same  error,  farewell  to  all  the  joy  and  harmony  of  their 
earthly  home.  But  if  the  reverse  is  true,  the  angel  of 
peace  will  descend  upon  their  habitation,  and  the  buds 
and  blossoms  of  hope  will  spring  up  and  smile  in  their 
pathway. 

Be  wise,  then,  BRIDAL  PAIR,  and  at  the  altar,  where 
your  connubial  bands  are  tied,  ponder  the  duties  of  this 
life-long  relation  !  You  cannot  give  them  undue  promi- 


LAST    WORDS    WITH   THE   BRIDAL   PAIR.  81 

nence.  You  cannot  unduly  magnify  your  mutual  responsi 
bilities.  Remember  what  you  have  pledged  yourselves  to 
do.  Forget  not  your  plighted  vow.  "Walk  together  as 
"  one,"  till  the  hand  of  the  great  destroyer  severs  the  tie 
of  life.  Let  memory,  affection,  hope,  and  confidence,  all 
be  busy  to  hallow  the  alliance,  and  cause  you  and  yours 
to  look  back,  from  future  years,  with  pleasure  upon  your 
nuptial  day.  Live  ye  as  one  together  in  all  that  apper 
tains  to  love  and  duty,  and  your  early  friendship  will 
grow  and  mingle  with  advancing  years,  as  two  trees, 
planted  near  each  other,  interlock  their  spreading  branches 
and  blend  their  foliage  with  the  flight  of  years. 

Husband  !  Endearing  name,  this,  which  you  have  now 
taken  to  yourself,  and  one  that  will  sit  gracefully  upon 
you,  or  not,  according  to  your  fidelity.  It  is  easy  to  be 
unfaithful  in  this  new  relation.  You  have  only  to  be 
unwatchful,  and  neglect  to  nurture  the  tender  plant  of 
love,  —  to  follow  the  promptings  of  passion  and  blind  im 
pulse,  —  and  the  work  is  done.  But  I  warn  you  against 
any  approach  to  unfaithfulness.  Crush  not  the  heart  of 
your  devoted  wife  by  an  unloving  spirit  and  cruel  words. 
She  is  more  sensitive  than  thyself.  A  deeper  current  of 
feeling  rushes  through  her  soul.  The  blow,  that  would 
scarcely  make  thee  feel,  will  tear  and  lacerate  her  heart. 
Her  love,  too,  is  more  constant  than  thine,  and  more  en 
during.  Look  around  you,  for  a  moment,  and  behold  what 
devotion,  on  the  part  of  wives,  is  manifested.  See  the 
wife  of  the  domestic  tyrant,  —  a  woman  taken  in  her  girl 
hood  from  the  bosom  of  tenderness  and  affluence,  —  now 
the  recipient  of  all  manner  of  unkindness  and  abuse ;  yet 
6 


82  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

meekly  demeaning  herself  under  it  all,  though  often 
trembling  before  storms  of  human  wrath  as  a  reed 
shaken  by  the  wind.  And  still  she  loves  on  with  an 
affection  that  death  only  can  quench.  She  clings  to  her 
tyrant-spouse  with  the  firmness  of  one  in  whose  fidelity 
is  involved  the  matter  of  life  or  death.  Behold  the 
companion  of  the  bloated  inebriate  amid  trials  of  the 
most  oppressive  character.  When  strong  drink  has  im- 
bruted  her  husband,  and  well-nign  obliterated  the  human 
from  his  soul,  see  her  still,  the  same  devoted  and  affec 
tionate  partner,  soothing  him  in  moments  of  delirium  with 
honeyed  words,  and,  at  all  times,  laying  herself,  a  living 
sacrifice,  upon  the  altar  of  love.  Her  lookers-on  wonder 
that  she  will  longer  live  with  such  a  wretch,  throwing 
away  her  happiness  and  life  upon  a  worse  than  worthless 
man.  But  they  mistake  the  nature  of  woman's  love. 
They  forget  that  it  is  a  part  of  her  moral  nature  to  be 
faithful  and  true,  even  when  religion  seems  almost  to 
sanction  the  opposite.  She  can  never  forget  her  first  love 
and  plighted  vow ;  and,  hence,  the  wife  of  the  inebriate 
clings  to  him  in  poverty  and  distress. 

"  Alas  !  the  love  of  woman  !  —  it  is  known 

To  be  a  lovely  and  a  fearful  thing  ; 
For  all  of  theirs  upon  that  die  is  thrown, 

And,  if  't  is  lost,  life  hath  no  more  to  bring 
To  them,  but  mockeries  of  the  past  alone." 

Ponder  this,  dear  sir,  whenever  you  are  disposed  to 
violate  the  obligations  imposed  by  the  marriage  contract. 
In  whatever  else  you  may  be  superior  to  her,  in  love  and 


LAST   WORDS    WITH    THE    BRIDAL   PAIR.  83 

fidelity  she  is  doubtless  superior  to  thee.  Neglect  her, 
scorn  her,  abuse  her,  and  she  will  love  thee  still.  Prove 
unfaithful  thyself,  she  will  not  follow  thy  example.  She 
is  thy  companion, — bosom  friend;  never  degrade  her 
below  this  high  position.  "  A  Turk  or  a  Hindoo  would 
feel  himself  insulted  by  any  inquiry  which  implied  that 
he  regarded  his  wife  as  a  companion  ;  that  he  ever  con 
sulted  her  on  questions  of  duty,  or  stooped  to  converse 
with  her  on  important  subjects.  But  the  Christian  rite 
of  marriage  brings  together  two  persons  as  equals  and 
companions,  to  enjoy  each  other's  society,  and  to  be 
mutual  counsellors  and  co-workers.  They  have,  certainly, 
their  separate  spheres  and  duties,  and  no  good  can  ever 
come  of  their  exchanging  places  ;  but  this  does  not  pre 
clude  an  habitual  comparison  of  views  on  all  subjects  of 
common  interest.  Many  a  man  has  been  saved  from  dis 
astrous  speculations  by  listening  to  the  suggestions  of  a 
prudent  wife." 

While  there  are  marked  exceptions  to  all  that  has  been 
said  of  woman,  you  may  rely  upon  it  as  true,  in  the  main, 
of  female  character. 

Never  suffer  your  reputation  as  husband  to  be  tarnished 
by  the  charge  of  unfaithfulness.  Cherish  your  wife  as 
your  "  second  self."  Discharge  the  various  duties  to 
which  your  attention  has  been  called  with  promptness,  and 
it  will  sweeten  the  cup  of  connubial  joy.  She  is  thy  WIFE, 
—  COMPANION.  Love  her  ;  confide  in  her ;  be  faithful  to 
the  end. 

Wife  !  A  new  and  tender  appellation,  this,  with  which 
you  are  now  greeted.  See  that  vou  prove  yourself  a  wife 


84  PASTOR'S  WEDDIXG  GIFT. 

in  very  truth ;  a  sharer  in  the  bliss  or  misery  of  wedded 
life  ;  a  sympathizer  and  helper  in  all  the  privations,  duties, 
and  changes  of  earthly  existence.  You  have  not  entered 
into  this  relation  in  order  that  you  may  flirt,  and  gad,  and 
live  at  ease.  Because  you  have  a  husband  your  responsi 
bilities  are  not  diminished ;  they  are  rather  increased. 
Your  new  sphere  brings  with  it  new  duties,  —  duties  that 
demand  something  more  than  acquaintance  with  the  fine 
arts,  and  a  taste  for  fashionable  and  refined  circles.  In 
the  language  of  Hannah  More,  "  Though  the  arts  that 
embellish  life  claim  admiration,  yet,  when  a  man  of  sense 
comes  to  marry,  it  is  a  companion  he  wants,  and  not  an 
artist.  It  is  not  merely  a  creature  who  can  dress,  and 
paint,  and  sing ;  it  is  a  being  who  can  comfort  and  counsel 
him ;  one  who  can  reason,  and  reflect,  and  feel,  and  judge, 
and  act ;  one  who  can  assist  him  in  his  affairs,  soothe  his 
sorrows,  lighten  his  cares,  purify  his  joys,  and  educate 
his  children."  This  is  wise  counsel.  Treasure  it  up  in 
your  heart,  for  much  depends  upon  yourself  whether  your 
marriage  shall  prove  a  happy  union.  If  possible,  a  wife 
possesses  the  greater  advantage  to  render  wedded  life 
joyous,  and  make  a  happy  home.  Her  husband  may  not 
be  what  she  expected  to  find  him,  nor  such  a  man  as  he 
ought  to  be ;  still  she  can  do  much  to  lighten  the  vexa 
tions  and  trials  that  arise  from  his  delinquencies,  if,  in 
deed,  she  may  not  be  the  happy  instrument  in  making 
him  a  better  husband. 

Act  the  part  of  a  faithful,  noble,  trusting,  devoted 
woman.  Endeavor  to  be  contented  with  your  allotment. 
Let  no  one  excel  yourself  in  fidelity.  So  live  as  wife  that 


LAST    WORDS   WITH   THE   BRIDAL   PAIR.  85 

it  may  be  said  of  you  in  truth,  "  She  openeth  her  mouth 
with  wisdom ;  and  in  her  tongue  is  the  law  of  kindness. 
She  looketh  well  to  the  ways  of  her  household,  and  eateth 
not  the  bread  of  idleness.  Her  children  arise  up  and  call 
her  blessed ;  her  husband  also,  and  he  praiseth  her. 
Many  daughters  have  done  virtuously,  but  thou  excellest 
them  all." 

One  thought  more.  How  frail  is  the  tie  that  unites 
you,  husband  and  wife,  in  the  bands  of  wedlock !  Present 
health  and  hopes  may  promise  a  long  and  blissful  union, 
but  an  arrow  from  the  quiver  of  death  may  dissipate  in  a 
moment  your  sweetest  joys. 

"  Leaves  have  their  times  to  fall, 

And  flowers  to  wither  at  the  north-wind's  breath, 
And  stars  to  set,  —  but  all, 

Thou  hast  all  seasons  for  thine  own,  0  death  !  "  * 

To-day  you  may  enjoy  the  fairest  promise  of  life  and 
happiness ;  to-morrow  one  of  you  may  weep  and  agonize 
over  the  lifeless  remains  of  the  other.  So  uncertain  are 
earthly  ties  !  So  relentless  is  the  great  destroyer  ! 

I  remember  one  whom  I  married,  —  a  bride  in  her  joy 
ous  youth  and  beauty ;  — the  bloom  of  health  was  upon 
her  cheek,  and  the  strength  of  hope  was  in  her  heart.  A 
bride  never  stood  at  the  altar  of  marriage  with  brighter 
prospects  of  lengthened  life  and  unmingled  bliss.  Ten 
swift  months  passed  away,  and  the  fond  husband  stood 
over  her  lifeless  form,  his  disappointed  heart  almost  burst 
ing  with  grief  at  the  sudden  change.  She  was  dead. 
Quickly  as  the  tempest  cuts  down  a  rose  of  summer,  death 

*  Mrs.  Hemans. 


86  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

removed  his  victim.  Mysterious  Providence !  Strange 
vicissitude  !  Surely  life  is  a  "  vapor  that  appeareth  for  a 
little  while  and  then  vanisheth  away  ! " 

I  remember  another,  —  a  young  and  faithful  husband. 
It  is  only  a  single  year  since  I  married  him  to  the  lady 
of  his  choice  ;  but,  now,  where  is  he  ?  A  few  days  since 
I  performed  the  funeral  rites  at  his  burial.  The  blooming 
wife  pines  in  lonely  widowhood,  and  says  that  the  world 
is  dark.  The  bright  vision  that  floated  before  her  mind's 
eye  on  the  eve  of  her  wedding  has  vanished  as  a  dream, 
and  she  sits  lonely  and  sad,  because  the  foot-fall  of  her 
spouse,  that  was  once  music  to  her  ear,  is  not  heard  in  her 
dwelling.  In  her  sorrow  she  laments  the  uncertain  tenure 
of  earthly  bonds,  and,  as  she  goes  about  the  streets,  I  can 
read,  upon  her  melancholy  brow,  the  great  burden  of  her 
heart,  "  Lover  and  friend  hast  thou  put  far  from  me,  and 
mine  acquaintance  into  darkness." 

Learn  from  the  above  a  useful  lesson,  and  let  it  stimu 
late  you  to  the  discharge  of  mutual  duties.  No  regrets 
can  be  more  painful  than  those  which  are  experienced  by 
the  faithless  in  those  sacred  bonds  when  death  dissolves 
the  union.  To  follow  a  companion  to  the  grave,  while 
the  soul  is  oppressed  with  the  consciousness  of  neglecting 
or  wronging  him  or  her,  this  must  be  a  more  bitter  experi 
ence  than  the  bereavement  itself.  When  we  linger  by  the 
coffin  or  tomb  of  some  beloved  friend,  memory  is  busy  in 
retracing  the  past,  and  recalling  every  word,  and  act,  and 
emotion,  inconsistent  with  the  relation  that  has  subsisted 
between  us.  If  possible,  we  would  blot  forever  from  the 
past  every  record  of  injury  and  wrong  which  we  have 


LAST    WORDS   WITH   TUB   BRIDAL   PAIR.  87 

inflicted,  that,  with  hands  washed  in  innocency,  we  may 
weep  over  the  stricken  loved  one.  Doubly  true  is  this  of 
unfaithfulness  in  the  conjugal  relation. 

BE  TRUE  TO  EACH  OTHER, LOVE  MUCH, LIVE  JOYFULLY 

TOGETHER,  —  BE  FAITHFUL  UNTO  DEATH. 

"  To  meet,  to  part,  to  smile, 

To  shed  the  frequent  tear  ; 
The  hope  to  win,  the  joy  to  lose,  — 

This  is  our  history  here  ; 
To  find  the  rose,  whose  bloom 

By  no  dark  blight  is  riven, 
To  meet,  and  never  more  to  part, 

Is  not  of  earth,  but  heaven." 

MRS.  SIGOURNEY. 


POETRY. 


i. 


THE     SAINTED     BRIDE. 


LOUD  rang  the  welkin-dome  at  morn, 

And  swift  as  lightning-lance 
The  royal  welcome,  welcome  flew 

O'er  hill  and  dale  of  France. 
Around  the  bridal  altar  pressed 

A  nation's  sparkling  pride  ; 
The  changeful  crimson  came  and  went 

As  shadows  o'er  the  bride  ; 
The  king  he  held,  as  if  a  pearl, 
The  marble  hand  of  the  royal  girl. 


90  PASTOR'S  TVKDDING  GIFT. 

Strange  contrast  in  the  wedded  pair  ! 

The  bride,  in  summer-bower, 
Bloomed  into  youth,  as  suns  unfold 

The  petals  of  a  flower ; 
The  bridegroom,  from  the  throne  of  Kent, 

Of  proud  old  Saxon  form, 
Reared,  like  the  Druid's  mistletoe, 

'Xeath  clouds  and  sweeping  storm  ; 
Won  by  the  magic  power  of  love, 
The  eagle  caught  the  gentle  dove. 

So  stood  the  Saxon  Ethelbert ; 

His  costume  marked  his  life  ; 
Himself  a  pagan  worshipper  — 

A  saint  his  angel-wife. 
Strange  two  such  adverse  hearts  should  meet 

The  wedded  race  to^un  ! 
Strange  two  opposing  streams  of  life 

Should  mingle  into  one ! 
Had  Bertha  hope  that  she  could  bring 
To  cross  of  Christ  the  pagan  king  ? 


THE   SAINTED   BRIDE.  91 

On  roll  the  chariot-wheels  of  time 

Beneath  the  royal  smile  ! 
No  queen  drank  deeper  draughts  of  bliss 

On  Britain's  sunny  isle. 
Her  orisons  went  up  to  God, 

At  morn  and  eventide  ; 
His  richest  benison  came  down 

In  answer  to  the  bride  ; 
The  Spirit  left  the  throne  to  bring 
Salvation  to  the  Saxon  king. 


II. 


THE     ADIEU. 


MY  pulse  is  running  low,  love, 
The  world  is  fading  fast ; 

My  eyes  are  growing  dim,  love, 
And  life  will  soon  be  past. 

The  king  is  at  the  door,  love, 
I  hear  his  pleasant  voice  ; 

I  '11  meet  him  with  a  smile,  love, 
It  is  his  gracious  choice. 

Our  voyage  has  been  long,  love, 
O'er  the  stormy  sea  of  life  ; 

You  've  been  a  faithful  spouse,  love, 
And  I  a  happy  wife. 


THE   ADIEU.  93 

Together  we  have  bowed,  love, 

In  sorrow's  fiercest  gale  ; 
My  soul  has  found  thee  true,  love, 

From  the  time  of  setting  sail. 

Xow  the  Master  calleth  me,  love, 

You  a  little  longer  stay, 
To  toss  a  season  yet,  love, 

On  the  dark  and  stormy  way. 

I  '11  land  ahead  of  thee,  love, 

On  the  bright  and  sunny  shore  ; 
But  cheer  thy  doting  heart,  love, 

Thy  voyage  soon  is  o'er. 

Why  fall  the  streaming  tears,  love  ? 

Thou  art  ever  kind  and  true  ; 
And  tell  me,  ere  I  go,  love, 

Have  I  not  been  to  you  ? 

Our  parting  will  be  short,  love, 

How  swift  the  moments  fly  ! 
Our  joy  will  be  higher,  love, 

In  mansions  in  the  sky. 


94  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

I  see  the  haven  bright,  love, 
And  angel-spirits  wait, 

To  give  me  cordial  welcome,  love, 
At  the  fair  and  pearly  gate. 

0,  ask  me  not  to  stay,  love, 

On  this  rough  and  rolling  main  ! 

I  see  the  laud  of  glory,  love, 
And  there  we  '11  meet  again. 

My  heart  still  clings  to  thee,  love, 
In  plighted  faith,  and  true  ; 

We  '11  meet  on  Canaan's  shore,  love, 
Till  then,  till  then,— adieu  ! 


III. 


TWO     HEARTS     ONE. 


As  rivers  from  the  hills  unite, 

And  to  the  ocean  run ; 
So  life  presents  the  cheerful  sight, 

Two  loving  hearts  in  ONE. 

Two  toiling  hands,  —  two  speaking  eyes, 

Two  treasures  to  be  won  ; 
Two  souls  to  fashion  for  the  skies,  — 

And  yet  the  two  hearts  ONE. 

One  —  in  the  common  aims  of  life  ; 

One  —  in  the  glowing  hope  to  live ; 
One  —  in  the  tug  of  mortal  strife  ; 

One  —  in  all  that  earth  can  give. 


96  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

One  —  for  the  hour  of  hope  at  hand; 

One  —  for  the  trial-scene ; 
One  —  for  every  clime  and  land  ; 

One  —  for  the  grave,  I  ween. 

One  —  in  the  bonds  of  love  sincere, 
That  joy  nor  woe  can  sever ; 

One  —  in  the  plighted  vow,  so  dear 
That  time  can  blot  it  —  never. 

Strange,  mystic  power  !  love's  power  to  bless 
The  wedded  moments  while  they  run ; 

And,  as  the  life-sands  number  less, 
Still  keep  the  two  hearts  ONE. 


V. 

LIFE'S     VOYAGE. 


OUR  life  is  a  voyage  with  hardships  to  brave, 
From  its  dawn  in  the  cradle  to  its  end  in  the  grave ; 
Each  breath  of  our  being  is  driving  us  on, 
As  swift  on  the  billows  as  others  have  gone  ; 
The  port  we  are  making,  whether  stormy  or  fair, 
For  swift  we  are  sailing,  and  soon  shall  be  there. 

Now  fortune  is  coming  her  pledges  to  bring, 

As  sweetly  and  gayly  as  queen  of  the  spring ; 

Now  sorrows  invade  as  a  storm  in  the  sky, 

And  hope  in  the  bud  is  stricken  to  die ; 

So  changeful  the  weather  of  life  as  we  sail,  — 

Now  stilled  by  the  calm, — then  tossed  by  the  gale. 


104  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

To-day  we  discover  a  bark  sailing  fair, 

And  the  merry  crew  singing,  "  "We  soon  shall  be  there ;  " 

To-uiorrow  the  drama  pats  on  a  new  dress ; 

There  floats  from  the  mast  the  flag  of  distress, 

With  the  current  of  life,  all  flowing  and  warm, 

The  brothers,  ill-fated,  go  down  in  the  storm. 

Then  let  us  look  up  to  our  God,  and  implore 
That  his  Spirit  may  waft  us  safe  to  the  shore ; 
That  breezes  propitious  his  mercy  may  send, 
As  when  we  first  cleared,  till  the  passage  shall  end ; 
We  're  bound  for  a  haven  of  bliss  or  despair, 
On,  on  we  are  sailing,  —  and  soon  shall  be  there. 


VI. 


LOVE. 


LOVE  kindles  in  the  speaking  eye, 
As  light  illumes  the  morning  sky ; 
Now  beaming  forth  in  sunny  smile, 
As  if  a  fairy's  pleasant  wile ; 
Then  flashing  through  a  silent  tear, 
As  diamond  in  a  fountain  clear. 

It  rules  within  the  heart's  domain, 
Though  every  hope  of  fortune  wane  ; 
Sways  thought  and  feeling,  hope  and  will, 
From  torrent-rush  to  gentle  rill ; 
Exalts  to  pleasures,  pure  and  bright, 
Nor  glooms  the  heart  in  sorrow's  night. 


106  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

It   nestles  in  the  cradle  there, 

To  bless  the  child  with  flaxen  hair  ; 

To  middle  life  imparts  a  ray 

Of  light  to  gild  each  passing  day  ; 

Nor  leaves  to  bitter  sighs  and  tears 

The  old  man's  heart  of  eighty  years. 

It  fairest  shines  in  bridal  bower, 
When  merry  flies  the  fleeting  hour, 
And  chosen  partners,  groom  and  bride, 
As  two  trees  planted  side  by  side, 
Unite  to  breast  the  gales  that  sweep 
O'er  life-paths  where  the  single  weep. 

Woe  quenches  not  the  kindled  flame  ; 
Time  hastens  on,  —  't  is  still  the  same  ; 
Change  dashes  hopes  and  castles  fair, 
And  still  the  flame  is  burning  there ; 
Nor  dies,  —  though  fanned  by  care  nor  art, 
Till  death  seals  up  the  throbbing  heart. 


VII. 


HOPE. 


HOPE  guides  our  little  bark  so  frail  ; 
On  refluent  tide  she  trims  the  sail ; 
And  points  us  to  her  luring  star, 
More  bright  than  lustrous  diamonds  are. 

Hope  cheers  when  darkness  veils  the  hour  ; 
When  storms  of  sorrow  rudely  lower, 
Her  bow  of  promise  arches  high 
The  veiling  cloud  upon  the  sky. 

Hope  never  yields  her  throne  of  power, 
In  youth  or  age,  in  field  or  bower  ; 
But  doth  her  golden  sceptre  wave, 
On  from  the  cradle  to  the  grave. 


108  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

In  palace-hall,  and  lowly  cot, 
In  foreign  clime,  and  natal  spot, 
In  bridal  home,  and  parting  scene, 
Hope  lures  to  islet  ever  green. 

Hope  lives  in  death ;  prepared  to  die, 
She  bears  us  to  the  peaceful  sky, 
To  strike  our  harps  in  mansions  fair, 
And  take  our  crowns  of  glory  there. 


VIII. 


BROKEN     TIES. 


Is  there  a  clime  where  kindred  dear 

Can  wipe  their  weeping  eyes  ? 
A  land  where  drops  no  farewell  tear 
O'er  parting  life,  and  loved  one's  bier, 
All  free  from  broken  ties  ? 

Earth  cannot  boast  a  clime  so  fair, 

To  lure  the  grieving  soul ; 
Let  love  the  sweetest  bower  prepare,  — 
Sorrow  and  death  will  enter  there, 

And  break  the  "  golden  bowl." 

The  bird  that  doth  the  sweetest  lay 

From  tree  or  forest  pour  ; 


110  PASTOR'S  WEDDING  GIFT. 

The  fairest  flower  that  blooms  in  May, 
And  dearest  friends,  will  pass  away, 
And  be  to  us  no  more. 


Love  twines  her  tendrils,  —  winning  art !  - 

With  soft  and  flexile  rings, 
Around  the  earthly  idol's  heart ;  — 
Death  from  his  quiver  hurls  a  dart, 

And  snaps  the  slender  things 

The  tearful  group,  the  tolling  bell, 

The  friend  that  stricken  lies, 
The  sighs  from  bleeding  hearts  that  swell, 
The  coffin,  bier  and  grave,  —  all  tell 
A  tale  of  broken  ties. 

E'en  hope  like  thine,  fond,  bridal  pair  ! 

That  cheers  the  loving  heart, 
Will  vanish  as  a  thing  of  air, 
When  death's  resistless  fingers  tear 

The  "  silver  cords  "  apart. 


BROKEN   TIES.  Ill 

But  one  blest  land  is  free  from  woe  ; 

"  Land  ever  bright  and  fair  !  " 
Rivers  of  pleasure  through  it  flow, 
And  fragrant  breezes  o'er  it  blow,  — 

No  tics  are  broken  there. 

Sweet  solace  on  this  changeful  shore, 

When  earthly  bonds  are  riven ;  — 
There  is  a  land  where  tears  are  o'er, 
And  sighs  and  partings  are  no  more  ;  — 
No  broken  ties  in  heaven. 


UCSB   LIBRARY 


A     000  622  639     3 


